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She Was a Beauty

She was a beauty, or so I'm told;
smooth skin tanned a luscious gold,
eyes like the ocean that she so adored.
A beauty that could not be ignored.

She was wondrous, so I heard them tell;
With lively vitality no ill could quell.
She smiled all day with the glory of the sun,
and to her every day life had just begun.

She was gorgeous, so it is said;
maybe she was, but now she is dead.
The ocean took her, claimed its own
and brought this human undine home.

Author notes

Inspird by the pic: http://deeper2.deviantart.com/art/SeaBreeze-86104794

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Re-invention silver member
    June 4, 2008
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    wow.. beautiful.. great rhyme and great take on pic too!


  • checkmate
    May 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    good rhyme- its not forced at most parts, and this was a good piece. well written. beautifully done

    much lucks,
    checkmate


  • stoli
    May 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I nth the people who said the rhyme was good. I absolutely fail at rhyme, so people who can do it always awe me slightly.
    And this was good rhyme.

    The last stanza was my favourite -- esp. the matter-of-fact way you said "maybe she was, but now she is dead". Loved the simplicity of the statement and the way you avoided going into dramatics about anything other than description.


  • Luna Tique Fringe
    May 23, 2008

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    I like this..and it is almost a sonnet.  If you wish to transform it, it would very easy. In the first 2 stanzas, simply switch lines 2 & 3. The third stanza would need a bit of a rewrite...then all you would have to do is add a couplet at the end...voila!
    Your rhyming skills are very good, not forced.

    example:

    She was a beauty, or so I'm told,
    with eyes like the ocean she adored.
    Smooth skin tanned a luscious gold,
    her beauty could not be ignored.

    She was wondrous, so I heard them tell,
    she smiled all day with the glory of the sun.
    With lively vitality no ill could quell,
    and to her, every day, life had just begun.

    She was gorgeous and so it is said;
    the ocean took her, claimed ass its own
    She now sleeps in it's watery bed
    this human undine has now found home.

    I think sometimes I'll join her there
    again to gaze on her beauty fair

     

     

    ...or something like that

     

    Thanks for entering...and I would look look for a sonnet contest to put this in. :)


    • Pandorea
      May 25, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      wow. i never looked at it as being a sonnet. thanks for esuggesting that...i think i could be an improvement. glad you liked it anywyas.


  • MysticalRayne
    May 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Your rhyme is beautiful in this its flows effortlessly... Thank you for your entry and best of luck

1 - 6 of 6