Sometime you'd think the hurting would stop,
you'd think my sanity would return.
Instead dead end dreams and starry eyes
right through my soul do burn.
How do I stop..how do I breathe
when breath is trapped below
a thousand tons of fools regret
won't empty until I know.
Abandon hope, my mind screams out
enraptured my sullen demise
my soul is despairing and devoid of hope
without one look in your eyes.
So inside the battle rages
loss of my mind, heart and soul
although for love anticipating
one more night to make me whole.
A contest entry
- The Battle They Can Not See by thegoldenpath.
600 points, ended May 20, 2008, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite Craze Contest by BlackSwan.
550 points, ended June 29, 2008, 84 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tired of HM's (VIII) by PatheticKt.
300 points, ended August 20, 2008, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
honesty please...
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Great write, you got here and I like how simply powerful the persona is with the battle still going on: fighting an invisible enemy or something
Hmm, not much to say here, I guess, although, it should be fool's regret ^^
As I had typed already, great write you got here ~ -
very sincere and heart felt write, I enjoyed the metaphor of "So inside the battle rages
loss of my mind, heart and soul"
rhyming was nice too
good job!
-GL in contest -
Oh Sis...to take that pain from you...to hold you and assure your heart that all will be well. My heart weeps with yours...at the feet of Goddess we cry, and She hears...and we shall in time see this. It is not a kind world for those of tender spirit...but that is required of us till the end.
Love you~
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eyes hold many secrets...often I feel this way...beautiful heartfelt and emotional...congrats sissy on the HM ~Trisha~
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thanx so much for your unending support and kind comments sissy..i love you..blessings..for a safe fun and happy weekend..
namaste..
r
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So much more to say
"Waging the battle within" so reminded me of "Take me with you", yet it was so different and unique than mine. Each time I read this I felt myself gasping when I read the line "How do I stop..how do I breathe
when breath is trapped below", and when I read "my soul is despairing and devoid of hope, without one look in your eyes" it was with sadness. I really thought this is a piece that should be read aloud and with the emotion it deserves driving each word and action. Very compelling stuff.
terry
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Love your title! A deep feeling of pain, loss and betrayal in this. Great emotion. I especially like,
'So inside the battle rages
loss of my mind, heart and soul
although for love anticipating
one more night to make me whole'
best wishes in your contest.
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Lady Ab..
thanx so much for your kind comment..your support is appreciated more than you know..
blessings..
namaste..
r
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