Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Wonderland nightmare


There's no more Tweedledum and Tweedledee
Since Alice stopped their battle with her blade
The White Knight's horse, unburdened, roaming free
The knight himself she buried with his spade.

The roses are now red with all the blood,
The Queen has lost her head so wears no crown,

The Hatter and the Hare lie in the mud,
Where Alice on her rampage cut them down.

Though Wonderland was once a fractured dream
Now Alice has laid waste to all its folk.
She giggled as she heard those few left scream
And dipped the soldiers into Humpty's yolk.

I hope that you will listen to my pleas
And never fall asleep while eating cheese!!!

Author notes

In case it doesn't translate English children dip toast "soldiers" into boiled eggs.

I have since learned that another non-translation is the old wives' tale that if you eat cheese last thing at night you will get nightmares, hence my couplet.

Poem is a contest entry to the picture, credit
http://kyena.deviantart.com/art/Alice-the-finish-25758808

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? • Line numbers
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?) (Line numbers)

Comments

1 - 16 of 16

  • IsabelCult
    June 2
    Edit | Reply
    I really like this poem. But you didn't follow the rules so I'll have to remove it. Sorry xoxox


  • jimmy20johns gold member
    June 2
    Edit | Reply

    Nice One, Jeff

    A really good piece, mate (so I think I'll give this contest a miss!).

  • jcat gold member
    May 26

    Edit | Reply
    I have to say that I really love this...right up to the last 2 lines.....Than you just lost me!!! So I would love a translation of the last 2 lines But even still this was brilliant and we thank you for entering our contest


    • cricketjeff gold member
      May 26
      Edit | Reply
      Thr original Alice in Womderland is explained at the end as a dream, there is an old wives' tale that if you eat cheese before you go to sleep you will have nightmares, I think my version qualifies as a nightmare!
  • judyjudyjudy
    May 20

    Edit | Reply
    Definitely not a nice girl. It must have been those hallucinogenic mushrooms drove her over the edge. Love the image of A. dipping the soldiers into Humpty's yolk. It's a love play on words. There go the king's men!


  • moonbumps silver member
    May 20
    Edit | Reply
    Great write on the prompt and true to form as ever!!
    Good luck in the contest Jeff-
    xxx


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    May 20

    Edit | Reply
    You utter, utter, utter, utter...





  • PassionsPromise gold member
    May 19
    Edit | Reply
    well done as i read this on my phone i trembled at the thought of ol Alice, damnit i said i wasnt her s This indeed a wicked read, and I shall make sure neither of us east cheese before bed

    great job and best wishes

    Love you
    PAssions

  • Today
    May 19

    Edit | Reply
    Haha...very nice ending. I really enjoyed your poem and how the dream turns into a nightmare...

    "She dipped the soldiers into humpty's yolk"

    Wicked line.
  • pornster
    May 19

    Edit | Reply

    good fun write

    i liked this...it is refreshing with dark humour that works well. I thought you captured just enough humour with just enough of the story...Roald Dahl would have been proud.

  • ears2hearyou gold member
    May 19

    Edit | Reply

    that was wonderfully wicked!

    What a great contemporary spin on the story, you
    gave Alice some empowered muscle, and all we women
    shout.......HOORAY!
    (it reminded me a t-shirt I saw in the State of Montana,
    it was a picture of Rudolph the REd nose reindeer holding
    a huge shot gun...with the quote that said,
    "they use to laugh and call me names."
    and his face were a piercing grimace!
    I raised my eyesbrows and felt like Dorothy in the land
    of Oz....i don't think we're in Seattle toto!
    lol

    great poem! HOORAY FOR ALICE..our dark poetry would
    welcome her opened arms! ggiggle.

    . Rewarded 8


  • Amera gold member
    May 19

    Edit | Reply
    This is great! A twisted fairy tale! You let the cat out of the bag. Now I know who cut the cheese!

    Love,
    Amera♥


  • Sue Cardwell gold member
    May 19

    Edit | Reply
    A very twisted Alice who got her own back on all the characters in Wonderland...your poem is both fun and gruesome at the same time...love it.

    All the best in the contest...

    Sue
    xx


  • Nature Song silver member
    May 19

    Edit | Reply
    Never fall asleep while eating cheese...interesting last line to sum it all up. Never cared for Alice in Wonderland much anyway...~Sie

1 - 16 of 16