of lifeless perfumed in wrought howl,
stressing down where gurgling throat flow,
where breath follows its last breath call.
Of lifeless perfumed in wrought howl,
as if time stood still in my hands,
where breath follows its last breath call,
limped on the bed wept of ember’s sands.
As if time stood still in my hands
in wicked shadows cast her chalet,
limped on the bed wept of ember’s sands.
Now flicker as it left her body’s decay,
white masked the pain as time lets go,
in wicked shadows cast her chalet,
now flicker as it left her body’s decay,
stressing down where gurgling throat flow.
Author notes
Haley27
My prompt: Time to let Go
Pantoum
1. The pantoum consists of a series of quatrains rhyming ABAB in which the second and fourth lines
of a quatrain recur as the first and third lines in the succeeding quatrain; each quatrain introduces a
new second rhyme as BCBC, CDCD. The first line of the series recurs as the last line of the closing
quatrain, and third line of the poem recurs as the second line of the closing quatrain, rhyming ZAZA.
The design is simple:
Line 1
Line 2
Line 3
Line 4
Line 5 (repeat of line 2)
Line 6
Line 7 (repeat of line 4)
Line 8
Continue with as many stanzas as you wish, but the ending stanzathen repeats the second and
fourth lines of the previous stanza (as its first and third lines), and also repeats the third line of
the first stanza, as its second line, and the first line of the first stanza as its fourth. So the first
line of the poem is also the last.
Last stanza:
Line 2 of previous stanza
Line 3 of first stanza
Line 4 of previous stanza
Line 1 of first stanza
Pantoum
1. The pantoum consists of a series of quatrains rhyming ABAB in which the second and fourth lines
of a quatrain recur as the first and third lines in the succeeding quatrain; each quatrain introduces a
new second rhyme as BCBC, CDCD. The first line of the series recurs as the last line of the closing
quatrain, and third line of the poem recurs as the second line of the closing quatrain, rhyming ZAZA.
The design is simple:
Line 1
Line 2
Line 3
Line 4
Line 5 (repeat of line 2)
Line 6
Line 7 (repeat of line 4)
Line 8
Continue with as many stanzas as you wish, but the ending stanzathen repeats the second and
fourth lines of the previous stanza (as its first and third lines), and also repeats the third line of
the first stanza, as its second line, and the first line of the first stanza as its fourth. So the first
line of the poem is also the last.
Last stanza:
Line 2 of previous stanza
Line 3 of first stanza
Line 4 of previous stanza
Line 1 of first stanza
In a list
A contest entry
- Next Round by Blooming Poet.
300 points, ended May 24, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best Prewrites From May 2008 by amaranthine lover.
900 points, ended July 1, 2008, 48 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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wow this is amazingly well written. Excellent work you have here. I like the flow and the way you ended the poem. Thanks for sharing. kahy
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Thank you
Thank you for the wonderful comment given to my poem. I'm glad you liked the read. Haley27
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This is amazing! I probably couldn't have found a way to fit the same lines over again.
"white masked the pain as time lets go,
in wicked shadows cast her chalet,
now flicker as it left her body’s decay,
stressing down where gurgling throat flow."
Great imagery and word choice =)
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Damn.... this has so much work into it... my hat comes off for you... thats amazing.. I really enjoyed this write than you for penning it!!!
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Awesome piece! Thanks for the share!
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Well structured poem... You have penned brilliance here... I usually dont give importance to form of any poems..I would always see for subject matter... You have spun the idea so brilliantly with great diction...
Overall it is one of the best poems I have come across...
Thanks for sharing
kiddy -
well im not familiar with forms ins poetry but the context in this write it's kinda heavy.. perhaps you added too much verbiage and devoured the meaning of it but I did enjoy the way you closed this.. very creative and very dark... greta job!
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thank u
thank u for the wonderful sentiments given to my poem. I like the applaudes given as well. Haley27
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this is a well written piece, but the line "of lifeless perfumed in wrought howl,", the wording seems very off and odd to my ears.
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thank u
thank u for ur comments, and I'm kinda concerned to what u mean. Basically I gave my impression of someone dying and their oppinion how they portray to their love ones with out words to give, but I didn't tried to offend anyone in particular to say the least. Haley27
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i give you 100%. this poem was deep!
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thank u
thank u for the comments and the grading. The applaudes work well too. Haley27
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you tried I wil give you that. so 75%
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thank u
thank u for the 100% per cent. Haley27 -
Your score from me is 100%
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