Spying
I hear a moan resonate through the house
tiptoeing down the passage I don’t make a sound.
Buttons pop as they’re ripped from her blouse
a slight squelch is heard from her shaven mound.
Tiptoeing down the passage I don’t make a sound
spying through the door her bare breasts are firm.
A slight squelch is heard from her shaven mound
watching her play my penis wriggles and squirms.
Spying through the door her bare breasts are firm
her womanly scent lingers in the air.
Watching her play my penis wriggles and squirms
smelling her makes me lustfully aware.
Her womanly scent lingers in the air
lovingly I lay my hand on her thigh.
Smelling her makes me lustfully aware
appreciatively she lets out a sigh.
Lovingly I lay my hand on her thigh
between her legs I lick and taste her slit.
Appreciatively she lets out a sigh
savouring her juices and nibbling her clit.
Between her legs I lick and taste her slit
buttons pop as they’re ripped from her blouse.
Savouring her juices and nibbling her clit
I hear a moan resonate through the house
Author notes
this is my first ever attempt at a pantoum.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
-
A wonderful poem you have done.
Spelling/grammar/punctuation = 20
Presentation/creativity = 20
How well you handled the challenge = 20
'grab me' effect = 20
overall = 20
TOTAL = 100/100
-
I love this.... you must write more
-
I am going to have to write one hullovan unrhymed song!!!
-
Spelling/grammar/punctuation = 20
Presentation/creativity = 20
How well you handled the challenge = 20
'grab me' effect = 20
overall = 20
TOTAL = 100/100
This was an amazing write and I would like to congratulate you on your first attempt at a pantoum - you have not only risen to the challenge, but have superceded it!
I have given YOU the benefit of the doubt despite the fact that I don't enjoy words like clit at all in a write (I feel there are many words that could explain exactly what one is trying to say other than the obvious ones) but considering as you had to rhyme?! well! THAT in itself should give you 100%! I battle with rhyme terribly!
well done on a perfect score so far
-
-
thank you so very much for your perfect score, as i mentioned below, it has totally blown me out the water.
this certainly will have me smiling for the rest of the day
Ang
-
-
very interesting read.. upon reading this my first thought was rape but then i continued to read on she liked it =] You(the narrator) liked it too. Very erotic view on things. The fact that you got it in your mind that you wanted something and made it a reality. Your word choice is very contreversial but, it makes it Good job hon =] I hope to hear some more.
-
-
thank you so much for stopping by and reading my work, its greatly appreciated.
Ang
-
-
Spelling/grammar/punctuation = 20
Presentation/creativity = 20
Absolutely stunning.
How well you handled the challenge = 20
I have no words. Well done. Excellent for a first pantoum.
'grab me' effect = 20
As I said - wonderful piece.
overall = 20
___________________
Total = 100
Wow, where did this come from? You rock hun!!! -
-
thank you so much for your amazing score tanzanite, it has honestly blown me out the water!
as for where it came from, i suppose i let my instincts take over
A
-
-
whoot.. well done my friend.. this is awsome!
-
-
thanks hun, it was interesting to write
A
-
-
Spelling/grammar/punctuation = 20
Presentation/creativity = 20
Superb flow!
How well you handled the challenge = 20
This is well done, I think you wrote this with flawless execution....all 5 senses, clearly visible and felt.
'grab me' effect = 20
I thoroughly enjoyed this from beginning to end.
overall = 20
___________________
Total = 100
Congrats -Ang- on a perfect score....well done.
**Master Ktulu**
-
-
Hugs Master Ktulu and kisses him thank you.
Your comments and score have totally blown me out the water, thank you so much.
*curtsies low*
Ang -
-
this was really well done and I really enjoyed this...I think that you incorporated the pantoum form just right and it came out a masterpiece.
-
-
-
lov it
-
-
thanks
Ang
-
-
STUNNING PIECE!!!
Again, your piece is so full of imagery that is so strong that the reader believe he/she is actually there. Wonderful deep erotic piece here my Sister.
I felt the heat from this and it was stunning. Almost melted my screen, that's for sure. Heheheehe. Wonderful writing.
I call my Sister the 1st Lady and Queen of Erotica and you have proved it once again. Well done indeed.
With Dark Love
Your Brother
Wayne Leon
xx
-
-
thank you my darling Brother.
ang
-
-
omg this is hot hun! now im gnna have to act it out!! lol good job
christina
-
-
giggles, thank you hun, this was really hard to do, as its my first ever attempt at this style.
thanks for your comment
mwah
ang -
-
ur welcome, oh really i never woulda guessed! mwah
-
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 21 of 21
