Blood On The Rocks

Deep breath I took, for this up river swim
Would I drift...would I drown for loving you
Tied up my boots, for the endless trek up this mountain
Would I trip...would I fall for loving you

Slipping and plunging... just trying to stay afloat
Slip after stumble, I wasn’t going to be pulled under
Vanity in my face...just another sharp stone in my way
Ignoring all that I knew, so many afflictions as I go

Through the current and rapids, your river pounded me
Would I break...would I lose it all for loving you
Rugged cliffs...rocks of glass...your mountain tears through me
Would I loose grip, would I bleed to death for you

Swirling and bashing, white waters way too fierce
Fatigued and drained...I didn't want to lose hope
Under the cold waters, I could still see your beauty
Forgetting all that I knew... just wanting to pursue

Drifting and drowning, my body is so battered and torn
Still I love you, but where are the calm waters ahead
stumping and toppling...struggling insurmountable cliffs  

Still I love you, but this journey has opened so many wounds

Acheing so much to reach the source, to reach the summit
How did I forget… how could I have ignored why my heart really bleeds
You blamed it all on me alone, I couldn’t swim nor could I climb
Where were you all this time, but throwing stones at...at me

 

 

                                                 My soul has slipped over the cliff

 

                                  My heart has been  taken by the current

 

                  There is no more left in me to bleed

 

Only stains of blood... left on the rocks

Comments

• right now

  Adding your comment:
• 
  Grunts Girl
  August 23
  
  Edit | Reply
  ok.. i noticed this is not something entered for a contest and going off of your author page you are open to someone digging into your work....
  
  there is a lot here... great ideas and neat words...
  some are just repeated to much and some of it could be more powerful with less wording...
  
  you have lots of romanticizm?(if that is spelled right lol)..and you wear your heart on your sleeve... but I think you ask too many questions that you already know the answers to
  
  Deep breath I took, for this up river swim
  Would I drift...would I drown for loving you
  Tied up my boots, for the endless trek up this mountain
  Would I trip...would I fall for loving you
  
  Deep breath taken, for this up river swim (you can make it you later to introduce and cement the reader… but up front it gives away too much making me already know a story too early, so I took out the “I”.)
  Tied up my boots for an endless trek up your mountain (gives more of a metaphor instead of again giving everything away)
  Drift and trip…I would for you (that solidifies that it is you and her to the reader more and simplifies things)
  Just to me there is weakness in your words with the question format- I understand we think and express like that… but you show strength in making the endless trek and then wuss out with questions…
  
  
  
  Slipping and plunging... just trying to stay afloat
  Slip after stumble, I wasn’t going to be pulled under
  Vanity in my face...just another sharp stone in my way
  Ignoring all that I knew, so many afflictions as I go
  
  I like the line slip after stumble but with slipping before it, makes it grind a bit to me. I think keeping that second line is good, just changing the first one up some would make it more appealing – two slips in the same section is eeeky to me… but that is just me.
  
  Sharp stones thrown in your mirrored vanity… just and idea played with- I know it changes the concept a bit but its like she does it to herself instead of the pain thrown at you for her vanity… she hurts herself by hurting you… just a different approach…
  All I know ignored- I think that stands on its own power… I know you want a beat or rhythm to your lines and that is where I don’t go… I am just free with no structure and honestly don’t have a clue to metered shit- it sounds forced when I do it and I cringe at myself and add vodka to the equation and then I end up with limericks…
  Anyway… I am going to stop there…
  
  I really hope you are not mad at me. Please feel free to delete and I understand as a poet we all do things differently.
  
• 
  creationsfromheart
  July 22
  
  Edit | Reply
  ok you say you are not a poet and what I read here it is pure poetic, I would think you need to change that saying this is a wonderful filled write with imagery and metaphor and a writer that can do this so well with ink in my book is indeed a poet!!!!

  
• Clovis6790Curious
  July 22
  Edit | Reply

  Superb

  Wowm most excellent, indeed. I loved the flow of this piece and the imagery which you created. Hope it wasn't taken from a personal experience. if it was you have my empathy.
• forbiddenpriest
  July 19
  
  Edit | Reply

  Awesome

  Congrats on this awesome piece. This a reason you are one of my favorites. Nice flow, and rhythym. The words were excellent.

  
• 
  Elfin
  July 19
  Edit | Reply
  I am so very sorry Ron that for some reason it won't let me applaud and keeps saying that I have already rated it. I know that I haven't rated it before so I do apologise. Val
• 
  Elfin
  July 19
  Edit | Reply

  Bravo!!!

  This is an impressive piece of work my friend, absolutely mind boggling. I love the impact of emotion and feeling that flows from beginning to end. I will even spend points to applaud this. Well done. Val
• 
  Hetha
  June 30
  
  Edit | Reply
  Oh my word..this is intense and emotional. This is heart wrenching, yet beautifully expressed. Totally incredible! I'm left speechless..

  
• 
  Piccola
  June 30
  
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  and you say you are not a poet ... this is not true; but you do say that you write with your heart and this i find to be very true. This write is breathtaking! The only thing I would change if anything is the title. I would just call it "On The Rocks" ... kind of catchy I think
  Lovely write no matter the title. (sigh) we could use you in my group "The Library"
• lovelylittleworld
  June 29
  
  Edit | Reply
  impressively evokes a difficult relationship. my favorite lines are these:
  
  "Fatigued and drained...I didn't want to lose hope
  Under the cold waters, I could still see your beauty
  Forgetting all that I knew... just wanting to pursue"
  
  
  i think almost everyone can relate to that.

  . Rewarded 6
• 
  x Simply x Me x
  June 29
  
  Edit | Reply
  Wow this is so beautiful! I loved how you told the story of love so strong and treacherous, so hard to hold on to. This is amazing!

  . Rewarded 4
• fashionbear88
  June 29
  
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  wow. this is quite beautiful. i was thinking of the black hills in south dakota while reading this. i lived there for 7 years and still the sights took my breath away.
• 
  jcat
  June 29
  
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  I think that you lie when you say you are not a poet...You are indeed a wonderful poet. SO much beauty is found here...and yes a whole lot of depth to your emotions as well. I felt like I was the one on this tumultuous ride. I am so glad that I clicked on this and now I am compelled to read what else you have written. This was very well done and best wishes.

  
• ian sawicki
  June 29
  
  Edit | Reply
  a good poem and a good flow though i was disappointed that there was a disntinct lack of punctuation other than the ellipses - why use ellipses if you are ignoring all other forms of punctuation? it just seems a little mad, to me, in my personal opinion, that people would think that is okay.
• rashi
  June 29
  Edit | Reply
  i love this poem..i think its absolutely absolutely brilliant!!
• 
  QuietPort
  June 29
  
  Edit | Reply
  Interesting comparison to ones relationship of being head over heels in love and feeling like it's slipping away.
  Thanks for the wonderful read

  . Rewarded 4
• 
  Gwenevere
  June 29
  Edit | Reply
  Hello.I am so sorry but I clicked without realising that I had already read this poem.It was well worth a second read anyway.Love and light to you, Ros
• 
  Rhyming From Rehab
  June 29
  
  Edit | Reply
  loved the style and imagery of your poem. Love has many faceted points in it, and yes the relation you gave to the natural world did capture my attention. I relate often to nature to guide me in life, and this was a big wow for me. When your soul slipped over the cliffs, leaving only the stains of blood...on the rocks...the imagery highlighted the depth of sadness felt by this love...really enjoyed reading this early this morning. blessings always...~Trisha~

  
• 
  sandybeaches
  June 28
  
  Edit | Reply

  I like!

  I like how you compare a perilous nature trek to love. It is a very manly point of view of love gone bad. I really like it! Very well done indeed!

  
• 
  xXmidnightstarXx
  June 28
  
  Edit | Reply
  I love the way you compare everything to nature and say it subtly, but it's there strong enough that it's caught on it's first read. You did a beautiful job describing how tough love and life are. Great write and it was a great read

  . Rewarded 4
• pruedence
  June 28
  
  Edit | Reply
  Beautifully written! I love how you compared your love to natures mountains and rivers...lovely. Love and life can make us feel all that you have expressed...but if it is true love it will never disappear...I so enjoyed this read, thanks for sharing

  . Rewarded 6
• Clovis6790Curious
  June 28
  
  Edit | Reply

  Superb

  Wow, most excellent indeed. I loved the imagery this created. It brought back some bitter/sweet memories for me. If you choose, you could read my poem: "Bridges". http://allpoetry.com/poem/2140524

  . Rewarded 4
• 
  HiddenByTheDark
  June 28
  
  Edit | Reply
  Very discribtive and powerful I have yet to read a poem like this. It's a different style but I love this it is over taking in the pain and things you have to go through to show it's love. I really enjoyed this piece.

  . Rewarded 4
• 
  storiesuntold
  June 28
  Edit | Reply

  Excellent write

  This is penned very well and in depth keep up the good work
• profmes
  June 28
  Edit | Reply

  ye are to be slipping

  ....slipped over the poetry. LOL.

  
• 
  Andre
  June 28
  
  Edit | Reply
  Very well written. The alternate uses of floating and then slipping and stumbling seem to indicate your struggle against rapids, periods of time where everything was happening so fast you didn;t know what to do and that made it all the harder. well done.

  . Rewarded 6
• 
  Gwenevere
  June 28
  
  Edit | Reply
  Very descriptive poem about the rocky journey of love.I think we all journeyed with you as we read your heartbreaking words.I would have avoided using blood twic at the end but apart from that an excellent write, Ros

  . Rewarded 4
• StroonsGreen
  June 28
  
  Edit | Reply

  the girls just commented cause they think youre hot

  I thought by the title this was going to be another angsty poem with a black background and maybe a picture of a rose but I was pleasantly surprised! Here is executed a scene of the perilous landscape of the high mountains and rushing streams, and how such a landscape can relate to a rocky love, no?
  I wonder what cruel woman could affect such a regretful poem. Perhaps choose more wisely next time, because there *will* be a next time. Plenty of fishes in the sea...or river.

  . Rewarded 8
• 
  saint tracey
  June 27
  Edit | Reply
  very well written.
  I like the very ending for some odd reason.
  you write well!
  
  saint tracey
• 
  morgan2285
  June 27
  
  Edit | Reply
  I also really like the first and third stanzas repatition. I think it has really strong imagery and I also like the last stanza, which is sort of a surprise twist and also has powerful imagery
• 
  Avatar of Innocence
  June 27
  Edit | Reply
  Um, I'm sorry, I have nothing constructive to say about your poem. Good work.

  
• cliche
  June 27
  
  Edit | Reply
  Powerful first line, and stanzas one and three work really well with the repeated structure and rhythm. The metaphor of the river mixed with the mountain sometimes got jumbled. For example, slipping and stumbling make me feel like I'm walking, afloat makes me think of swimming, somewhere were my feet don't touch the ground (first and second line, second stanza). I think your poem lost some of its momentum as in continued. I understand the evolution from straining to broken to letting go, but you reuse so many words that it goes past repetition for effect and into redundancy. It is a good, powerful poem, it just needs a little work. Good Luc
• 
  DeGraw
  June 27
  
  Edit | Reply

  A good write!

  A powerful write abundant in imagery. A manly poem to touch the heart of all who read it! Like a great outdoor adventure/love story.
  Good to read you,
  Regards,
  Jennifer
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

  . Rewarded 4
• 
  cass
  June 27
  
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  This is a great write. All of the emotion makes it so powerful. Altogether it's a beautiful poem that brought tears to my eyes
• 
  transcender47
  June 27
  Edit | Reply
  That left me quite speechless....the emotion drew me in completely ...powerful lines
• 
  grannyeri
  June 27
  
  Edit | Reply
  Liked the alliteration in these lines, and the vivid visual images csreated through your words. God way to bring the title and the poem together through the ending- similar to that title. Oft we lose that which we love, sometimes through no fault of our own.

  . Rewarded 6
• 
  Brooklynn-X-Tainted
  June 27
  
  Edit | Reply
  Wow this is deep and full of emotion. I like the last two lines in the first stanza. I also like the third line in the third stanza. Great lines. I like how your poem flows and how it has a meaning behind it. The last line is awesome. Altogther this is a great write keep up the good work. ~ Brook
• 
  hillmje
  June 27
  
  Edit | Reply

  ok but filled with missed opportunities

  it could just be a matter of personal preference but i feel that your subject matter is screaming to be pregnant with more meaning and vivacity. you chose plain ordinary words in a dynamic and hyper-visual context. personally, i kept wanting to see more vibrant/powerful words instead of ones like "cliff," "fall," "loving," "blood/bleed," and the oft-repeated "stumble." my opinion is that the piece needs more colorful words with connotative meaning. the basic idea of mountaineering and fording a raging river as metaphor for a heartbreaking relationship is sound but "stains of blood" needs a little revision so please batter and bloody us with flinty crags instead of rocks.
  
  i didn't mean to go all medieval on your ass; i'm just telling you what it needs. please don't take it personally.
• 
  storiesuntold
  June 27
  
  Edit | Reply

  A very sad write

  Spoken as though you lived this yet still feel the pain and bruises. A very indepth write that so touches those who read .

  . Rewarded 4
• 
  LunaSilverStars
  June 27
  Edit | Reply
  amazing, beautiful and deep, made me want to cry..love someone so much that it hurts,,
• 
  Shifting
  June 27
  
  Edit | Reply
  So beautiful, yet so sad. You make me feel the rapids and the hurling brokenness of rocks. The last stanza is so heartbreaking, all you were striving for was suddenly swept from your reach with fatal swiftness. I love the final line, it implies that memories still remain, though painful. One slight problem, in the second line of the third stanza, it is implied that you mean "lose" instead of "loose." Otherwise it is an amazing write and makes me strive to control words that way you do.
• 
  AngelShekinah
  June 27
  
  Edit | Reply

  Brilliant

  This poem really is amazing. The way you portrayed falling in love and how things can happen is amazing. I was really pulled into every word. Brilliant.

  . Rewarded 4
• 
  blood drinker
  June 27
  Edit | Reply
  thats really good

  
• 
  ears2hearyou
  June 27
  
  Edit | Reply

  captivating and capturing is this poem.

  Way to write...you pulled us in to every line...as we
  rode the rapids with you too...to end so brutally
  in deepest anguish and need.
  
  is there anything more bleeding then betrayal of the heart. way to write and flow us along so boldly!
  ears/Seattle loved it! loved it!
  

  . Rewarded 6
• 
  TyrannyForestFairy
  June 26
  
  Edit | Reply

  BRILLIANT

  a perfect brilliant piece of art composed here. this is a really deep poem that deals with strong emotion and commitment for a loved one yet they only took you for granted. excellent write which provokes a feeling of sympathy and its something i could actually relate to because i have been rejected by someone i strongly loved by my bleeding heart being thrown back in my face. anyways this piece is STUNNING!

  . Rewarded 8
• 
  morriseysangel88
  June 26
  
  Edit | Reply
  WOW! this is really great! i love it! i know the feeling of falling so hard in love for someone and them being so close, but so far at the same time. i fell for someone almost 5 years ago...i love him still as much as i did the very first day i met him....but, it's sad to say that he's not here in my arms and i know he feels the same. we just live so far...i only hope for one day for him to be here with me. great read!

  . Rewarded 8
• Lisa Haslett
  June 26
  
  Edit | Reply

  Sad poem

  is this true?if so this is a very bloody sad poem!i was really into it,But it sounded scarey!What happened to the person?Lisa k haslett raytown missouri!
• 
  AlexTheAcrobat
  June 26
  
  Edit | Reply
  Though I don't like the content I reaaally like how you have witten it.. Don't take me not liking the content personally I don't like poems about suffering where there is no sign of power, just loss.. Take action! Again dont take it personally.. I love ur writing!

  . Rewarded 6
• • 
    Ronztrek
    June 26
    
    Edit | Reply
    Normally I always reply with a private message, but for all to understand I will reply here.
    
    I totaly agree with what you say, but this is my current reality ever so fresh, on a down fall and drifting away... But it is not the end, it is only how the beginnig started.
    
    Thank You! I am really greatful for your comments!
    
    Ron
  • • 
      AlexTheAcrobat
      June 26
      Edit | Reply
      I feel for you man. Again, the poem is class! I really didn't mean to insult just wanna make that clear. It's just not the kinda poetry that makes my day hehe but again, your writing is superb. Next poem I wanna see some thoughts on the future..
• 
  a dozenglassroses
  June 26
  
  Edit | Reply
  Oh I loved the metaphors in this piece it was full of emotion great job and thank you for featuring your work!
• 
  subliminal girl
  June 26
  
  Edit | Reply
  Wow..... let me catch my breath....
  this was brilliant. You used some very potent imagery, it all flowed very smoothly ... with the pain of your poem stabbing the reader within each stanza anew...
  Very poignant. Wonderfully expressed...
  
  

  
• 
  Winterfall
  June 26
  
  Edit | Reply
  My god, this piece is absolutely beautiful! It's really quite sad and tragic and slightly depressing too, but you write so beautifully. The first thing that drew me to this poem was the title and then the words just kinda come out of nowhere and lure you in for the entire poem. The flow to this was absolutely spectacular and the way you did the last four lines, that was pretty cool as well. And the imagery invoked is absolutely amazing. A fantastic poem, I would not change a thing or ever do anything to this.
  
  ~Winterfall~

  . Rewarded 8
• 
  Elfin
  June 26
  
  Edit | Reply
  A very poignant piece that you have penned here poet.Your use of metaphore and imagery is what makes this piece for me. As I prefare rhyme myself it is not often that a free verse poem holds my attention for long, but this did so I congratulate you for that. well done. Val

  . Rewarded 6
• sgking123
  June 26
  
  Edit | Reply

  excellent

  Slipping and stumbling just trying to stay afloat
  Slip after stumble I wasn’t going to be pulled under
  Vanity in my face...just another sharp stone in my way
  Ignoring all that I knew, so many wounds as I go
  
  
  wow graphic description of vigorous activities..that are contextual has been the main force of your poetry.The chosen words to engage in graphical recourse is apt and I think you ought to have stepepd up the crescendo towards the end of the poem...for no know reasons it climbs down.
  
  
  It cannot get any better.
  Its definitely a better poem than others I have read recently.
  thank you for sharing with us.
  Pls visit some of my works.They would definitely lead you somewhere exotic.
• 
  Uniquely-Scarred
  June 26
  
  Edit | Reply
  this is very good i like the metphor you used and that last line ties it all in nicely, you certainly made the reader feel your pain !!! great write

  . Rewarded 4
• Bob Fox
  June 26
  
  Edit | Reply

  Tragic

  A sadly tragic write. lost love and how destruction of ones self often can follow. A rivers of blood and tears the rips the body and heart apart. Pen on poet

  . Rewarded 4
• 
  falling1isfatal2
  June 26
  Edit | Reply
  beautiful
• 
  Brigitae
  June 26
  
  Edit | Reply

  Brilliant!!!

  I stand in awe of your very well crafted masterpiece! I don't have a favorite line, as they are all terrific, and they each flow well together.
  Great job!! Keep up the good work, Poet!!! Peace, Cyn

  . Rewarded 4
• 
  Woodchuck4400
  June 26
  Edit | Reply
  Sharp, tumultuous imagery. I like it alot. Well done.

  
• 
  Viyanna Rosemarie
  June 25
  
  Edit | Reply
  My soul has slipped over the cliff
  
  
  
  My heart has been taken by the current There is no more blood left to bleed Only stains of blood... left on the rocks
  
  in watching many forensic shows, i have come to believe that the blood stains can be removed--or made invisible to the naked eye--only visible to a trained professional and then with certain technical aides. i only wish that i could figure out how we, as survivors, can wash the stains away. this is a fantastic write from you and i wish you all the healing possible in your life. looking forward to reading more from you in the near future. viyanna rosemarie
  
  

  . Rewarded 8
• 
  Chuckles
  June 25
  Edit | Reply
  I love how this was written. Very emotion packed. Tells a great story. Awesome write.

  
• 
  DevilHimself
  June 25
  
  Edit | Reply

  holy smokes!!! i have to say--->

  i have to say that your words rip tragically through me! the whole thing really makes me think of the reality of most relationships; the whole "i dont give a damn i just love you anyway" becoming one trial after another until ultimately you find your soul unable to satisfy the seeming "love of your life" and then the reality of your contrasting souls leave you victim and splashed upon the rocks below by the freefall of the unwanted truth that is what it is...
  you bleed freely from your heart until there is nothing left but the stain of memories dried upon the rocks below to remind you of how much you once cared...
  
  -ummm, thats what i get out of this for whatever its worth ya know. just me bleeding out my thoughts; of course i am nobody so keep that in mind.
  peace to you!
  -dev
  

  . Rewarded 8
• 
  Forbidden Kiss
  June 25
  
  Edit | Reply
  very emotional poem! I love the imagery in it! I really like the ending to this "Only stains of blood... left on the rocks" its like amazing and really shows how broken this persons heart is/was great write! Keep on penning!

  . Rewarded 4
• allenchitsanzara
  June 25
  
  Edit | Reply

  Tearful

  It was so nostalgic,you brought your heartout to embrace the feelings you have and what you went through with the last part showing abroken heart.
• 
  Angelflower
  June 25
  
  Edit | Reply
  This was a very interesting read.. The flow was nice and the imagery was vivid.. Th emotion in this was really heatfelt and I loved the metaphors that you used.. You did a really good job.. I really enjoyed the last four lines.. I really think that they bring the poem together.. thanks for sharing..
  
  
  Angel
• 
  Rockerstar
  June 25
  
  Edit | Reply
  Very powerful...what a struggle and only to realise it at the end. I liked how you questioned it each time but found a reason to keep going because sometimes that's the way it truly is.

  . Rewarded 4
• 
  spideracer
  June 25
  
  Edit | Reply

  Painfully good

  Love can be a hard thing to overcome. It matters not that you say you ain't a poet, reading this poem I wouldn't know any different. The way you used metaphors is brilliant, and you should give yourself credit for such a great piece of poetry. Well done!
• Rammy2008
  June 25
  Edit | Reply

  Dark

  Ahh, the angst of it all.
• 
  Ravensdark
  June 25
  
  Edit | Reply
  Excellent choice of metaphor, very powerful, painfully so....The imagery is stark and draws well the emotion behind the words....I think its constructed well, flows nicely, I like how you've placed the last four lines...adds effect...Great poem well worth the read...

  . Rewarded 6
• 
  Manish
  June 25
  
  Edit | Reply

  Good

  This is a very well written piece. I liked it from the first line. 'up river swim', 'would I drift...would I drown' --- very catchy! I also like the bit--would I break...would I loose it all for loving you. Next, 'Slip after stumble I didn't want to lose hope .... I could still your beauty'. Great write!
• 
  xXxBeautiful SinxXx
  June 25
  
  Edit | Reply

  WOW

  This must be one of the best pieces i've ever had the pleasure of reading.
  Your metaphors were fantastic and the words you chose were perfect.
  I wouldn't change a thing about it.
  From the moment I read the first line, I was so drawn into this until the last line; which by the way was pure genuis!
  
  LOVED IT!
  Enough said. =]

  . Rewarded 6
• 
  NurseyPoo
  June 24
  
  Edit | Reply

  Good Write

  I enjoyed the variety of your vocabulary. You did a great job of making this flow well. However in line 24 you should use the word HAVE in place of OF(how could I have known) and in line 25 myself isn't used in it's proper way it should be just ME. Please take this as it is intended. I don't want to sound arrogant but thats what we poets do right? Try to help each other? All in all its a wonderfully written work. Pen on fellow poet...

  . Rewarded 8
• haley27
  June 23
  
  Edit | Reply

  wow

  wow this good. You do have a powerful poem with strong metaphors. I think would sound profound if limit your lines to 8 or 10 syllables with some puncuation. Overall it has good imagery keeping you glued to this poem, but wouldn't hurt to revivise in later. As poets we learn from each other with support lol. Haley27
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  PurringKitten
  June 23