quote inspired:“Yet who shall shut out Fate?” ~ Edwin Arnold
There's a subtle emanation
from your old catch-all box ...
a whiff of Jasmine?
One of those odd fragrances
you favored?
A smidgen of sandalwood perhaps.
I can almost see you standing there ...
the past erased
right up to the point
where you learned about
that lethal lump ...
see that tentative smile,
or hear a stifled
peal of mirth ...
I seem to lose hours here.
They fly by
with nothing to
mark their passing
but creeping shadows
out the North window.
I say goodbye ...
again and again ...
Sometimes, if I listen
very closely ...
I can hear the cold
breath of Eternity.
Author notes
Shadow Of A Shadow
by: ecrivain01
A contest entry
- " I will dance with Fate, But I like her brother, Death, better." ~my payment for the pif of fate~ by Star of Atlantis.
800 points, ended June 16, 5 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think.
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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I liked the poem at the end, The rest of th poem was good but I really liked the ending.
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I love your last few lines here. The story here is sort of hidden in a way, and I like that. It makes the poem deeper. Well done, and good luck
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Thanks. ;)
I really like your icon by the way.
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a subtle emanation
from your old catch-all box ...
a whiff of Jasmine?
Well penned -
Ooooh - this one is good, I love the ending "I can hear the cold breath of Eternity"
Great job on the chosen prompt
Best of luck 
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ok so now i need to know the poem you like best of your peers in this contest ... you can only pick one so please tell me the name of your gold choice and then put the name of your own poem and tell me you wrote that one, or i might get confused as to which is the vote. i will post the results as soon as i have recieved all the votes via private message. thank you ... oh and by the way since you have to read to vote leave a little something for the author about their poem. its a good way to promot comrodery between us all here and its a good way to learn and grow and it can make someones day too... i know i always like it even if someone says they hate it at least i know its getting read. i have got to thinking about this and i dont feel this title fits.... i think it gives too much of your twist away. just something i forgot in my orignal notes on this.
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i see that your tag is in your authors notes... you got it in there but it should be in the body thank you though for at least having it here. now i will dive into your poem and do this whole judging thing. my mom and sisters walk every year in the fight against breast cancer walk of portland. i would too but i dont live there. i think this poem should be their voice. this is the one who hopes to win and live and hear the words your in remission or its cured, but deep inside they know they wont. there is a piviotal moment in the poem. it starts out as a wonderful story... one i loved the lure of. its like walking into a ceriosity shope or digging around in your attic and finding something so special and wonderful... something that brings back a memory or takes you on an adventure something magickal. then you pivit to the present and my heart catches in my throat and the tears come to the surface and i feel a little like i have died inside. i see the hospital bed and the sick and wonder if it coul be my loved one. my mom told me in her last conversation with me a few weeks ago that she might have cancer but they were still doing some tests... how scary this is to think of our fragile mortality. the last few lines i absolutely adore. i am like that often thinking about how peasful and empty but wonderful the slipping of the mortal coil will be. i am on meds to control my tendancies to the dark that calls but even in your lines i feel that there is hope and i see it like a robbin purched on the window ledge and the cancer victom of fate haveing a little private smile as they watch the bird sing. this is beautifully written. if i had been the wrighter i would not have taken the pivit but opened up the wonderous box and gone on an adventure... and perhaps that is exactly what is happening in the last few lines. thank you for your contrabution to my contest and good luck.
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Touching...I really like it, the only part I didn't like was the "learned about that lethal lump" - I know the lump is important in telling the story and lethal says it all but the alliteration just stuck out a little compared to the other more subtle stuff...it made me think "this is a poem, rather than me being granted an insight into this tragedy". I don't know if I make much sense though.
I seem to lose hours here.
They fly by
with nothing to
mark their passing
but creeping shadows
out the North window.
Definitely my favourite part. Good luck in the contest x take care x
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