I see nothing in my mind,
but the words are written.
The tears fall down my cheeks,
but the burns are nothing but fear.
I'm blind.
A contest entry
- 25 words by Melissa Gayle.
600 points, ended May 20, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I am not sure how I feel about your few repetetive beginnings - lines two and four begin with 'but' - I think it could be removed and really help the piece.
Just not sure. -
without light of revealing in exposure always
interesting bookending with title and last line
stanzas do hold a concept, the first reminds me of someone who said he doesn't know love but likes to compose songs on it. or whole thing can take an emphatic swing how things are blurred with reaction bypassing thought.
that second is sad, but with the echo of how not being comforted maybe is when it's worse to be aware of our reflex with heavy emotions. it's like a bruised knee, will it heal a child likes to turn to one.
interesting combination, so matter of fact...
babies are my subject
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