Impetuously see,
the best, and worst, you are;
a candle flaring from afar,
repelling dark ... a star:
no where to flee.
Hope flies,
as wind blows horse's mane,
frost silvers windowpane,
reality proves lovers' bane:
corrosive lies.
Love departs,
with dewey eyes and frown,
that drags you down.
You played the clown:
scrimshaw hearts.
A contest entry
- Life and Death - Options by Thoughts-of-Soloman.
1750 points, ended May 27, 15 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think, unless you are a total idiot. If so, keep it to yourself.
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Impetuously see, - Yes, yes, yes!
the best, and worst, you are;
a candle flaring from afar,
repelling dark ... a star:
no where to flee.
I simply love this whole stanza, the first time I've used this expression in the contest- 'this rocks' because it's so loaded yet in few words!
Then forgive me, but I so wish you had gone towards the 'candle' to find its light present, right 'here in you' to make it closer than any other consideration. This as the possibility rather than staying with a hope that didn't seem to fly you closer towards it.
To continue... I read:
'Hope flies' -Yes, ever yearning for further reach towards what it is we desire.
as wind blows horse's mane, -Moving us onwards.
frost silvers windowpane, -Our perceptions are tempered by our conditions.
reality proves lovers' bane: -All is tested against Truth
corrosive lies. - Yes, but it is illusion born of them which is corroded, in order to cleanse the heart, I believe.
Love departs,
with dewey eyes and frown,
that drags you down.
You played the clown: Ow-ch! yes I know this also, but this is where I run back to the 'candle' in order to see what is good to be kept and painful in order to spit it out best as can.
scrimshaw hearts. - Hearts carved and shaped by their journeys.
I read such sincerity and also a passion which yet still holds itself apart from a 'Mysterious Purity' which you have pointed at in recognition.
For the contest itself I wanted to hear about where you go from here and feel that it's everything to do with staying with what you expressed so marvellously well in the first stanza.
There is always choice in which direction 'to flee' from this place of 'no fleeing' because 'love or meeting Truth' has to happen through ones own volition and choice in order to be perfected.
I feel that you turned back on yourself, like looking back down the ladder rather than keeping your gaze ahead... but if so, you have indeed done so splendidly.
I believe this may well be one of the best 'writes' in this contest and have much enjoyed reading it. If it doesn't win an award, then it will be purely for the reasons I have said and will take nothing away from this writes merit, which I find to be beautiful in its expression.
Sincerely,
Sol
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You're extremely perceptive ...
and that's rather unusual. Few ever read my poems and actually "get" them the way you "got" this one. That's amazing in itself.
You are correct in virtually everything.
My problem is that I am rather ill just now, and don't really feel up to doing much writing. I am not really up to expanding on this. I guess it has to stand on its merits. -
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Thank you for your confirmation, I'm sure that you know how good it is to receive after sticking ones neck out a little.
Thank you so much for giving us the results of your work.
I believe it is complete and certainly does stand greatly on its own merit, irrespective of the contest.
I wish you a speedy return to comfort and also further proximity to the 'light' you have described.
Sol
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well Jim, it's life but not as we know it.. pardon the pun.. the corrosive ways we delete, enter and delete... it's all played out for fools and men/man alike... i'm not sure if you've totally covered the concept of the contest itself and i surely would have liked to have seen this piece grow some more and add some meat to its already fine bones...
but i thank you for entering and good luck too
well done
G.x
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Ah' great to see you here, thanks for entering. Sol
Judging should be happening soon. All the best.
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