Hunting, cross-legged, she sat on the lawn,
fingering her neckline.
Smiling downwards, she simmered,
wind-whipped and pleased.
He didn’t venture out
all too frequently, my dear,
and it was most unfortunate that this day
he had chosen to stumble across the green.
'Oh dear! Oh dear!’ his waistcoat flapped,
‘I shall be too late!' his ears bobbed.
It was more true than he knew –
Alice startled to her feet.
The spin in her eye,
The wringing of her white hands
Clasped the heart of each white hair
on his body
as she statically stalked him.
Curiouser and curiouser!
She smoothed her dress
until her palms grew threadbare.
Lighter, and lighter,
The smoke rings curled in the distance,
snaking from his hookar
and dancing on her mind’s breath,
painting a smoldering backdrop
for timeless punctuality...
“Nonsense”, she bawled at the quivering fur,
her grin appearing:
They’re all mad around here,
he’s mad,
she’s mad,
you must be,
or you wouldn’t have come – off with your head!
Reeling and Writhing,
of course, to begin with.
She mouthed at him, sharpening her hands.
And he did.
A grin without a girl,
a watch without a pocket,
how curious, in the wastes of time,
a rabbit’s foot rests by her locket.
Author notes
Naughty Alice.
I used many quotes from Lewis Carrol's 'Alice's Adventures in Wonderland' in order to create this poem.
I have reason in my madness and lack of grammar, the form is also quite important to me, as is the changing rhyme, increasing repetition, increasing number of quotes,etc.
I have images of Lady Macbeth, of a dominatrix, of an old man; of drug-fuelled hazy orgy and torture - a little bit Blaire Witch. Greed, vanity, and a warped little Alice also enter my head.
A contest entry
- Naughty, Naughty Alice.....Picture prompt by jcat.
600 points, ended May 26, 2008, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites But NO "fresh" writes by ecrivain01.
450 points, ended June 6, 2008, 77 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhyme and Flow part 4 Fantasy - 50,000 points series by cricketjeff.
4000 points, ended June 26, 2008, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think? Does this make you think?
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Thank you for this interesting entry in our contest, although this was a joy to read, it doesn't fit into the contest, which is for rhyme and flow.
Please join us in future contests...Sue and Jeff
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Haha, awesome. I do like it. It does make me think. About reading the book again.
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Wowza. This is tops! I mean it
You totally would have been a finalist!!!
Love it <333
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It's a good poem, and it was "curios" that I just read those bits of Lewis Carrol's book last night!
"he’s mad,
she’s mad,
you must be,
or you wouldn’t have come – off with your head!"
I love those lines as it was my favorite quote, and it was said so well yet not the same. Grand job, thank you for telling me about it!
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I have to say that it did take me a couple read throughs before it all absorbed and I love that you have so many quotes within your piece. Thank you for entering our contest
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Very odd ...
but it's not a bad poem. It is obviously written for a specific contest, but that doesn't make it a bad poem.
All in all, it's rather an interesting read. -
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You're right, I did write it for a contest, unlike my usual style, but I chose to do it because the contest/prompt actually interested me, unlike most people's self-indulgent contests
It's supposed to be gritty, with a fairytale-like tone in the beginning, then I mixed things up to create a sureal atmosphere, and then a sinister, childlike tone comes back in the last stanza.
Is there no way that you can evaluate my poem on its efficacity, rather than whether I wrote it for you?
I'll have to read your poetry and see why you find it so strange
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Well, it certainly ...
is different. However, you are taking what I said as a criticism of the poem, and that is not the case. If I intended to criticize it, you would have no doubts about that. I tend to say what I think. I also don't gush over poems, as so many do here, as I dislike gushers (unless they are oil wells). I am male, not female, and that does make a difference in the way I look at things.
I also look at Alice's Adventures In Wonderland through a far different prism than most. One of my all time favorite fantasy-sci fi series is the Riverworld series by Philip Jose Farmer. Farmer was a very big fan of Lewis Carroll's and The Gods of Riverworld (the final book in the series) deals extensively with the entire gestalt of the story, but in a twisted fashion which is actually very similar to the way your poem reads.
You should be careful about ascribing attitudes to people based on a few words in a comment on your poem.
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Thanks for clarifying I don't worry about criticism - if I think it a poem is good, and I enjoy the craft and the end result.
I appreciate the support that you actually commented I would maybe like something a little more specific if you have anything else to say about it?
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It would be useful if commentators had some knowledge of the literary references before they commented. I found the poem admirably reflected the insane world she finds herself in [both literally and mataphorically]. It illuminates the theme and gives it some semblance of reality.
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It's a quote But yea, I agree.
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Even more and more curious,
is what I would have said in line # 18
The other way is not proper english I believe...
Other than that I think that it is awesome... That line was a distraction for me though..
~ James ~
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