The darkness of the park,
Consumed my every thought,
The solid seat of the bench,
the silence of your walk.
I failed to see the glare,
The bareness of your teeth,
the coldness of you touch.
I feel the brisk touch,
the cold caress upon my back,
You take my breath,
bottle it away.
My hair is brushed away,
it shows my silk skin,
You say how i'm intoxicating,
Explain how bliss it is,
That kiss of death.
My mind says i'm ready,
Yet my body shakes,
The pain rolls,
first a bee sting,
Then it grows,
I feel my body give way,
the sudden feeling of relief,
As if all my problems disappear.
I feel my heart stop,
My destiny change,
My eyes close,
darkness consumes me.
My eyes go from brown,
to a fiery red,
My teeth once dull,
Down to a piercing point.
You slit your wrist,
Wince in pain,
the taste of red syrup,
caress my lips,
touch my tongue.
Once i was human,
Now a queen of the dark.
Once had a simple destiny,
now i live by,
the Immortal Destiny
A contest entry
- PROMPT: Thirteen Tales of Love & Revenge !!!! by sailor ptolema.
426 points, ended June 4, 2008, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Grant Me a Birthday Wish! by Upon Deaths Meeting.
725 points, ended November 9, 2008, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Twilight Fans by Sle3p.
460 points, ended December 3, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
wow wow wowowowowowo
Superb write my friend ooooooo wowo you blew me away it's so dark and perfect bloody hell I'm speechless -
bravo
a few suggestions:
1. stanza 4:...I'd capitalize the 'i' in I'm...&stanza5..&stanza9
2. stanza 4: I think you meant to write 'blissful' (?)
3. I would check that your capitalizations of the first words are correctly placed...there's inconsistency..and that was a bit distracting.
*an interesting take to be sure.
*its very dark, which I like!
but, I'm not too sure how closely it follows my prompt...
deeply dark, though
-
This is a lovely write indeed, however this excedes the no more than 20 lines rule given, so I am sorry to DQ this
-
EeK did this happen accidentally at random or purposefully hahaha either way - EEK
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