Closed walls ..
closing in ..
bare tiles ..
windowfree in this clinical space
no view to see
sepulchre enclosed
unknowing
trapped
no escape
dirt threatens to suffocate
swarms
thickened attack
choked unable to breathe
wrenching pain seering
bloodless pale wan
skin peels away
layer upon layer
nearly bone
breath spent ..
nearly gone
threatened
dissipating into a wisp of
fleeting memory
a chink of light
the merest threaded stream
lasered beams a ray
stringed on a wing
silvery cord tightly caught
with one last grasp
before lifes final gasp
metamorphosised
Author notes
Metamorphosed .. from more than we can say s Lib
A contest entry
- PIF 10/40 by CarolDesjarlais.
700 points, ended May 21, 2008, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Great immagery to define the layers of the life with the strong pictures..I loved this..and thanks for sharing such a wonderful write...
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You write in a vast canvas of the life and bring the depth of reality in it..I love it..and my thanks for sharing such a wonderful work....
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I agree. This is fast-paced, as if the writer is in a hurry to get the words out. I found it like a sort of descent into a darkness that one, cannot get out off. I love the descriptions used here.
The hope at the end of the piece is the chink of light, that is seen. A sign, indeed of hope. Reach for the light. I loved this piece a lot, as there is a lot of emotion within it.
Well done Libby.
With
Dark
Love
Wayne Leon
x
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a good piece of poetry, this reads very quickly, it needs a couple of reads to soak up the words, fast-paced life.
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beautifully said: "a ray
stringed on a wing
silvery cord tightly caught
with one last grasp
before lifes final gasp
metamorphosised
" creates a great imagery... but..uh oh 40 words.
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