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Unfamiliar to Murder?




So say as you feel, as you are, as you find:


be new as a stranger unfamiliar to murder -

simply by leaving imposed pause on want
for reaches imagined, plus furthering flight
rains Beauty, drenched over promise and hurt.

I know now once opened it's me who knows nothing:
Drinks from the Well, that's deeper than Depth;
spills volatile fuel-
into the space of my hunger
so pleasantly perplexed in this wild-man roaring

bliss-full amid bite, breaking all the rules born
of old wretched agreements...


Time now the 'comfort map' truly gets ripped!


Make naked lingers, in searched eyeful glances
your face, my face, meeting, avoiding,
compelled again, meet, so more than before.

Move slowly for gift, feel each transformation:
as render falls grandly with shy-blush all over
low self-esteem, humble and arrogant - Mix.


Firm breach through walls, simply leaves them all dead.


Well comes the surge
dancing between graces
dancing between legs
intoxicated, tested as wonder

floods from our places to drink us up slowly,
brain-numbed, as bloods move to all


is but taste-bud bent now on immediate-


life leapt from doubt-spiced certain uncertainty
mineral to animal, ferocious and agile
rent through the 'hoop' - paper thin

delighting in breaths;
coy, brave, hungry, strange and natural -
anticipation to slide in perfume of mystery,
soft moist with allowance,
made actual in meeting, both in

and out of our flesh;



To make one

Author notes

What a journey! Great prompt!

A contest entry

Welcome any sincere response and critique

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 45 of 45
  • I love how you turned murder around
    amazing

  • Amarige
    May 31

    Edit | Reply
    Excellent piece, very creative indeed, a lot of deep thoughts and wonderful stanzas that are hard to choose from..I will come back to read more of your work
    Ruby


  • Nicolette gold member
    May 29

    Edit | Reply
    The title of this poem intrigues me…..and like that old song “I’ve looked at life from both sides now”, I’ve looked at it from different angles, lol. I think the word “murder” isn’t a word one often use when thinking of lovemaking, but in the sense that you’ve applied it here it does point towards the “murder of two”…the becoming one – that’s how I read it, and of course the “newness”, which to me points towards “opening”. (“I know now once opened it’s me who knows nothing” – loved that!) Quite a powerful way to begin this poem with – you immediately pull the reader in with those, Sol!

    I agree with my co-judge that this poem is extremely well-written and that it leans a bit towards a ‘monologue’ as he called it. But I did find the “mix” here as well; those aspects that are deeper than skin, e.g. “made actual in meeting, both in and out of our flesh”. I’ve found the poem to have an “undulating” feel about it, like the rise and fall of passion and intimacy. Well done – great penmanship here.

    Thank you for your entry.

    ~ Nicolette

    • Thank you for the 'honour' Nicolette.

      I found it exciting to move into such territory in this way. It was a different approach for me in which I confess to have perhaps got a little carried away, in my own determining from your one. I feel I learnt much and enjoyed this.

      All the best

      Sol



    • Thank you Nicolette

      I also see the validity of the monologue taste in it and do appreciate it being pointed out.

      The reference to 'murder' was indulged in for impact and 'murder' of the 'small self' yes. Also, it was intended as an invitation and loud prompt to step into a new place of receptivity, as new and perhaps alien as the idea of murder would be to most. Not to make negative but excited by the mystery.

      I feel that this write did become an indulgence, which I both wrestled with and enjoyed, and yes sure enough that is the flavour apparent in it and from which I feel I've learned much to be aware of in future writes.

      Thank you for your eyes and for the opportunity.

      and thanks to both of you.

      Sol
  • <

    Sorry if misunderstood.

    The potential 'challenge' was about it being to do with union between lovers or not, and not a particular version or description of that... and I really have no problem whatever with 'my bed', as I said I have enjoyed the prompt even if I have misinterpreted what was being looked for.

    Besides it could be that I learn more from this than I bargained for, and for which I would always be most grateful. The truth is that I don't really know what sex is essentially, however neither do I believe many others do either. I suspect, that its own mystery is actually its most very beautiful aspect though.

    Would you extend your generosity to looking at the 'write' on the link I sent you (when you have time of course) as I think it may help me to reconcile where I've evidently gone wrong with the prompt.

    How ever it is, please take my childish playing up as light-hearted, as I assure you it was intended, I'm not in the habit of this usually and I do apologise if I seemed to be disrespectful. This certainly wasn't my intention.

    Sincerely
    and all the best

    Sol

  • Lucy. gold member
    May 28
    Edit | Reply

    Sensuality personified...

    I never get sick of reading this. X
  • grm
    May 28

    Edit | Reply
    "come, as you are, as you were, as i want you to be..."

    some incredibly deep thoughts in this piece, extremely well-written...yet i find that it treats the prompt more as an afterthought...focusing too much on the skin aspect and not so much on the 'ethereal' side of what a relationship entails.

    or maybe the metaphors are WAY over my head! lolol

    still, i don't feel the true intimacy, the mouth to ear closeness and honesty that embodies what 'outercourse' is truly about.

    your talent is obvious, but despite the use of 'us' and 'our', i see this piece as more of a monologue than a true dialogue, the sharing between two souls in love.

    thanks for entering

    • Yes.. perhaps it has become too much of a self indulgence, I should have brought my lover along with me rather than inviting and then describing what the invitation was to, before her arriving there.

      However I deny that it focuses too much on the 'skin' aspect. For me the intercourse and 'outercourse' are woven into the whole thing and there are different levels throughout all of it anyway. BUT: they're all of 'outercourse' up until-

      'Firm breach through walls, simply leaves them all dead.'

      ...Which is nicely half way through (I thought) and then yes flesh at the fore in the last half, BUT: ending with 'union' which is what it's all about anyway, (challenge me if you will ) at the end, where inter... outer... in, out, up, down makes no difference because Lover and beloved have reached 'union', oneness with and of each-other...
      'both in and out of our flesh'.

      Hmmm. Do I have to comment on my own poem?

      I do take your point about the monologue though. ...
      Thank you for pointing that out

      ... BUT: It is a monologue because I wrote it on my own without presumption on anyone else's part.

      Much enjoyed writing it though, ta'.

      Sol

      PS Back to the drawing board
      • Sir, hahaha, may I say that you are quite the 'interesting one' smile; which is a good thing, right? these lines rock; "BUT: it is a monologue because I wrote it on my own without presumption on anyone else's part. Much enjoyed writing it though, ta'
        and, "Hmmm. Do I have to comment on my own poem?"
        Wow, shut my mouth hahahahaa most interesting, indeed lol

  • rhondasail
    May 25

    Edit | Reply
    "soft moist allowance, made actual in meeting, both in and out of our flesh..."...I could read this entire piece over and over and never grow tired of it. It's so fresh each time. From the beginning line to the last...marvelous. Best of luck in the contest. Peace, Rhonda

    • Thanks Rhonda... I'm glad at least that you get it ....

      All is okay, I'm just having a moment of childishness... please forgive.

      Sol

      • rhondasail
        May 28
        Edit | Reply
        I see what the judges have to say and perhaps, for their contest, the piece may not fit. But I see a wonderful play of the whole body and spirit in this piece. A human connection full and entire with all the subtle inflections of emotion and instinct and spirit, ending with the most tender appreciation of the gift of self to self: "to make one"...This is why I love poetry so...it is written with(usually) one perspective and lends light to others to view from their own perspective-or better still-a new perspective. You do this quite well, my friend. Quite well, indeed. Peace always, Rhonda
  • dakota:

    this is amazing father


  • Lucy. gold member
    May 20
    Edit | Reply
    Maybe it's just my mood but I think I still liked it better before these current changes .... or not?
    (not the italics changes, they're good, I mean the 'flapping blowing breaths' bit)

    • Lucy. gold member
      May 20
      Edit | Reply
      Yes, better. I like 'delighting in breaths' instead of flapping blowing breaths
  • I like the edits. The important question is: Do you?
    • Hey Suzanne!

      I told Gilly that I'd said to you I didn't know what sex was.
      She replied "really?"
      So I said "No... but I really enjoy trying to find out!"

      She thought it was hilarious... so I thought I'd share it with you

      All my best to you, Sol
      • hahahhahahah silly man... totally

        sometimes Gary, you talk too much !!! LOLOLOL
        • Yep... it's true. I will never rectify it completely... don't like trouble, yet end up inviting it straight to my door.

          • yada yada yada...

            yeah, but you look good in 'trouble' and black.. lololol

            knock on wood


      • Lucy. gold member
        May 20

        Edit | Reply
        Sorry to interrupt, but are you looking for a volunteer?
    • Ha'... I was just going to ask you!

      What an adventure this ones been- struggle, blindness, excitement, confusion, stupidity... pouring out, getting stuck.

      I think I'm still too mixed in it to tell, which is why I was going to ask for your eye.
      I'm happier with the more defined and selective use of: inverteds, capitals and the italics which I've kept for the more deeply loaded words. You were so right about that.
      Some content I've just altered or added just now so I don't know if you've seen it?
      This has been dog-with-bone more and more... addicted to the 'agitation', while still wanting to run to my paintbrush.

      In short- half happy/half confused.
      Sometimes it all feels like such a self-indulgence, but then I'm certain it's a way of opening such worthwhile self-discovery as well.

      Perhaps I'm still not sure what I want from it. It's certainly not to try and define 'Sex' because I don't know what it is, but definitely an interrogation into my feelings about it... Spice of Life or what!!!

      Thanks for asking... have I answered!
  • WOW! Bud...you really know how to pen some serious lines, don't you dude? Love this phrase, "Make naked lingers, in searched eyeful glances
    your face, my face, meeting, avoiding,
    compelled again, meet, so more than before.

    Move slowly for gift, feel each transformation:
    as render falls grandly with shy-blush all over
    low self-esteem, humble and arrogant - Mix."


    You've got a serious gift...love it! Best in the contest...should be perfect for subject! Cute pic, by way!

    Cheers! magic whisperer

    • Thank you magic!
      This one has been a bit of an adventure and I'm still not sure it's quite finished. I'm really glad you like it so much.

      Thumb up to the pic too?.. Great, it's my Scottish midge protection gear... which worked a treat.


  • Ok,

    I sent you an IM with a couple suggestions, take or leave, lol.

    Now onto the poem:

    Intense curiousity, I got that from this, and of course, desire too

    Sexy.

    • Thanks and yes I'd wondered if I'd overdone the italics and it does look better now. I also got rid of the 'nipples' and 'straightening' because I think I was over playing with things.
      Your suggestions much appreciated, as always. Much thanks.

  • Wow, this is something, smile, my fav line " anticipation to slide in perfume of mystery," Wishing you quite well with your entry lol


  • Lucy. gold member
    May 19
    Edit | Reply
    Oh dear, dear, you just made it sexier. I have to stop reading it.

  • Lucy. gold member
    May 19
    Edit | Reply
    ...ah, yep...that's done. XX

    (Sorry, there's no little yellow person for 'swoon' )

  • could make a girl swoon this ya know...



    jolly hockey sticks, chocks away chaps, the man has finally developed wings... yay!

    flying luv, flying



    la la la la la de da da


    Gilly.x

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