It's dark, I'm crying
you're gone, I'm lying
It's nothing
I say
each and every single day
You push me,
pull me
overrule me
beat me, bruise me
why must you use me
You hurt me, babe
though I love you much
even at the slightest touch
I cringe.
eyes left open as we kiss
a moment of passion I don't want to miss..
when you don’t love me
-you don't love me anymore
so i'm walking. leaving. out the door.
and I'm leaving my shit on the floor.
hit it.
Comments
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I was caught by this.
hey, many could do this style but few are captivating and I am captivated by yours...
using someone is a bad idea, but being use, could bnbe suicidal - i kinda felt like that anyway...
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frenetic and capturing
very nice write.
it moves like an action movie, or a mental music video. quick clips, cutting away from one thought to another, from one emotion to another or to another instance of the same emotion.
i enjoyed the way you included "babe". it brought this home. it brought me back to the reality of familiarity. i felt as i was eavesdropping, at that point, on a private moment. it was simple, so simple, yet, so honest.
you go from weakened and beaten to empowered and aggressive and it mirrors so many times in my life where i have gone from one extreme to the other, in a matter of moments.
"eyes open" is the perfect title for this, on so many levels.
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Thank you so much. I think this is the best comment that I've ever been given. I love your analysis on my poem. It made me re-read and analyze myself. THANK YOU
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yes, time to leave when love is treated in this way. Love is gentle, love is kind, cruelty is all about control.
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