I never showed the pain
Never let you in my heart
You didn't think that would change
You knew I would never fall apart
I was so scared you'd hurt me
Kill me with your pretty words
The past, the lies, was all I could see
And I just made it worse
I'd lie in bed and fight back tears
Wanting to let you in
But there are to many fears
Where would I begin
We fought and yelled so loud
I couldn't hear my own thoughts
Whenever you were around
It seemed more pain was taught
I wasn't safe in my mind
And falling in love with you
You were so sick of me by the time
I figured out what to do
And the day you turned to leave
Then looked back to say goodbye
You saw the tears on my cheek
And saw me cry
I refuse to break and fall to pieces
I won't be like those girls
But if there is a reason
I'll show I can be vulnerable
Author notes
I don't want to fall to pieces. I just want to cry in front of you." -- "Fall To Pieces" by Avril Lavigne.
hmmmmm....not to sure I like this.....will possibly edit
A contest entry
- Prompt Contest (A-B) by OhNoChastity.
600 points, ended July 18, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
what are you thinking?
Comments
-
I like where you went with this prompt. I like how you took the prompt, and described it, what would make someone fall to pieces. The twist at the end was great. I love that instead of falling to pieces the narrator shows a stubborness and then shows the manipulation that comes with breaking down in the end. I also like the prospect of vulnerability, and someone not showing it in a relationship. I do feel like that is more common than is brought up, and I like that you touched it with this poem.
My favourite line would have to be "You were so sick of me by the time I figured out what to do." I love it. I love how this shows fear in one simple sentence, regret, loss, hurt, and understanding. It sums up something I think a lot of people can relate to. I like the layout of the poem too. I like that each stanza was two lines and it had a very specific rythm.
As far as suggestions, I feel like the language is a bit simple. The concept is great, and the style is good too, but I feel like the words could use some twisting, beautifying. Keep up the good word, and I hope to see more from you! Thank you for entering my contest.
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