Daddy always brought books
and flowers,
as I learned of birth--
while too slowly dying;
Delivering babies that mewed--
like blind kittens,
without even memory--
to retreat into;
And I bore each,
upon beds of sadness.
To the sound--
of life’s diminishing footsteps.
Solitude is impenetrable--
in futility’s albino eyes,
and breath draws achingly--
with the absence of blue;
While bodies lay in stillness,
thinned of expectation.
Suspended without the animation--
of youthful naiveté;
Then Daddy would walk away--
without a backward glance,
Taking decayed flowers
and freedom with him,
leaving us without--
even the fragrance of hope;
The door closing heavily
pounding light--
into the darkness of shadows.
Leaving only time and walls,
to hold the voices--
of all our tortured cries.
Author notes
Prompt:
Josef Fritzl - the Austrian Dungeon Dad
7. He cared for his daughter who was pregnant with his children due to repeated rapes by bringing her books on pre-natal care and delivery, which she would have to endure on her own seven times in the dungeon.
He also brought flowers.
A contest entry
- Josef Fritzl - the Austrian Dungeon Dad by ea.
600 points, ended May 20, 2008, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-Writes from my Faves!!!! by PerfectImperfection.
675 points, ended August 19, 2008, 23 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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Very sad.
I liked:
"leaving us without--
even the fragrance of hope"
Thank you for your entry,
Best of luck!
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This is such a truly amazing piece! So much emotion coursing throughout, and an intensity of thought that captivates one in awe. A very sad and pained piece of detail on the horror that was endured. Excellent write. Thank you for your entry!
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I most definitely adored this write! I picked out a few lins that I enjoyed more but I lost them along the way while I read and collected more. Your ending was subtle which normally does't affect me as much - but suited this write perfectly. Well done - and well worth the gold!
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This is such a powerful and sad story! I didn't hear the story on the news...but you have gave a voice to the pain and hopelessness of the horrors that go on in our world unnoticed.
"Leaving only time and walls,
to hold the voices..
of all our tortured cries"
Very powerful words!!
congrats on the gold
darlintlc
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This Is a stunning and In your face write, I saw the story on the news here, you have portrayed all the deepness this story had.
Kudos
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When I read this story originally on CNN, it made me sick. It still does. Humans are capable of such horror it blows my mind. I wish I could say I enjoyed this poem, but I was unable to do so - I can say it is powerful and disturbing, as toomysterious says - a brilliant portrayal of horror.
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Brilliant portrayal of abominable horror. The poem is so powerfully emotional, so "beautiful". Congratulations on the gold.
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Powerfully written. Congratulations on the gold.
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I am really admiring the fourth and fifth stanza of this, when I relate them to the true case, especially, because of the notion of the thinning air and lack of blue sky. This is just so masterful.
I was caught up by who I thought this was being told by, again, in relation to the actual case, because at first, I thought I was reading something from one of the (young) children in the cellar. As I realized, again, and with such horror, that Daddy was the father of the woman giving birth, too, not just the father of her children, the poem weilded a deeper intensity. -
I really like this, and I really hate hearing that story in the news. That man is awful. I really love how you phrased the lines. I really like "Solitude is impenetrable--
in futility’s albino eyes,"
Good job on an amazing and heartwrenchning write
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I love this poem. It flows so well, and the poetic language is perfect. Lines such as, "I bore each upon beds of sadness", and, "Leaving only time and walls to hold the voices of our tortured cries" are my favorite lines.
One little qualm, however, I think that, while the font is very pretty, and I think it goes well with the poem, I think that it would be much easier to read with another, shall we say, easier to read, font? But that's just me.
But I really liked this poem, you did a great job.
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My God, you have really highlighted the sadness and lack of freedom. Especially parts like this.
The door closing heavily
pounding light--
into the darkness of shadows.
Very good poem. -
oh. trust me, this one will do well in the contest. this is wonderful:
And I bore each,
upon beds of sadness. -
I am left so stilled with this piece. Excellent! ~Pamela
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wow, this is impressive... I feel this truly does touch a universal note that goes beyond this particular case put forth in the contest. It is so harrowing and softly strangling - it gives me the feeling of a dust mote filled existence of narrowing hope. The father's taking of the decaying flowers and freedom with him is particularly poignant. I am just in awe of what this evokes - this grey existance within a test tube or like your title so brilliantly suggests, suspended animation. It's almost sci-fi in its scope. Thank you so much.
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whoa! now that was a BRILLANT WRITE!
Each line and stanza wisely and cleverly written.
All connected and kept it's power building our emotions!
Adding you to my fav's so I too...can learn to write
with this strength, and power!
Thankyou for sharing this with all of us, we are
amazed by YOU!!!
ears/Seattle GREAT JOB!!!
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A very tragic story and you have penned it with power yet the subtle nuances that make it personal. Well done hun. Love, C
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A little scary... Nice work with the prompt. Best of luck to you i really liked the part
"like blind kittens,
without even memory--
to retreat into;
" -
Twisted and disturbingly perverse. I loved it. What does that say about me? Love the brutal clarity with which you painted such an ugly picture.
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Wow your descriptions are nothing short of powerful and amazing. They lend such deep emotion to the piece. I especially love, "futility's albino eyes."
Your verses here really capture this gripping tale, the anguish, the sadness, and the psychopathy. Excellent use of the flowers to bring thematic unity. Skillful manipulation of the reader's emotion.
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