Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Naked

I AM NAKED AROUND U
U see right thru my pale skin
dark hair eyes all entangled in u
When were together i dont have too hide
With u by my side!

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 17 of 17

  • disgrace
    August 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i dont have pale skin... i have chocolate skin...
    good write tho


  • sailor ptolema
    August 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    ahahhahahhahahaahahahahhahhahaahhahhahhahhah


  • AJ Morelli gold member
    June 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i have questions:

    why is the firs line in capital letters?

    why are you using the letter "U" in place of the word "you"?

    why no punctuation? "dark hair eyes all entanged..." what are "dark hair eyes", perhaps "dark hair, eyes all..."

    why an exclamation point at the end, seems inappropriate...

    i see you are young, you should ask yourself questions like this when editing your own work, i sincerely thank you for entering this and encourage you to continue working your craft...

    al


  • myron silver member
    May 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    dobri vechir!


  • mayaa
    May 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    *you
    *you, through
    *you
    *we're, to
    *you

    cut the chat speak.


  • Godless But Divine gold member
    May 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Dear i wont lie to you...this is the idea but not the poem..I believe and I know that if you give it more time and passion you can wirte SPECTACULAR poetry.
    GOODLUCK


  • Emo-Makeyleth
    May 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is awesome
    rights more XD


  • The Great Disaster
    May 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    My eyes. I really couldn't read the poem without being blinded, but I liked it once I read it. I just don't really lyke tha cht type. If you want to be a poet, take the time to spell words out.

  • Sun-shiney
    May 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    hopefuly true with me and my boy i havn't decided yet.


  • DeSiBoO14
    May 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Aw!!DiS iS kUtE!!i HaD sUm 1WhO mAdE mE fEel LyK dAt!!(BuT hEs Not In My LiFe NoW!!)


  • Feirce.Dino
    May 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This Is Very Nice I Likes It XD Keep Up The Good Writes You May Wana Change U To You Tho XD Just A Sugestion


  • alwaysapartofme
    May 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow I love this poem. I love how just in a few short words it shows how much you love this person and they love you! Very very very Awesome! Keep it up. and good luck in the contest.

  • carole21
    May 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    good write for the prompt . . liked "U see right thru my pale skin" and "dark hair eyes all entangled in u" . . be sure to check your spelling . . !!

1 - 17 of 17