Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Agony.







Agony drips from my pores,
What have I become?
I am nothing,
“I am nothing…”
It sounds so tragic;
Falling from my own lips.
Spare your pity, and “sorry’s”
Tell your “God” that I can’t be fucking saved,
Or simply, that I don’t want to be.

I am just a parasite,
yet, you label yourself a saint.
So, who is the real martyr here?
there is no light inside my head
All you'll find is suffering;
something I've tasted all my life.

I am jaded...
I am a liar...
I am otiose...


everything fades to grey,
there is nothing left now.  



the agony has taken over...

Author notes

Thoughts?

In a list

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 35 of 35

  • konrad
    April 28

    Edit | Reply

    Agony!



    That piece that I just read was another one of those that makes me think. It is hard being a victim there is a lot of strife that comes with that package. Enjoyed the read and the rewards were most definitely worth it!


  • NightBreaker
    April 22

    Edit | Reply
    shit, have you been inside my brain lately? I went through a phase like that a few months ago. perfect picture accompaniment. I had to read and re-read the poem, just so I could look at the picture. Perfect representation of pure meltdown.


  • disposableteen-x
    April 21

    Edit | Reply
    For some reason, it sounds like something that's already inside my head. Get out! Haha.

    Dark and beautiful, my favorite kind.
    I can't get enough of your poetry darling.
    Keep writing, it's wonderful.


  • Twisted Reason
    April 21
    Edit | Reply

    Good

    I'd like to see you write one that rhymes. Good poem anyhow


  • emoempess
    April 21

    Edit | Reply

    wow

    what a good poetry you have..
    i really like the picture..
    thanks for the entry this is so wonderful dark poetry


  • Jeb
    April 1

    Edit | Reply

    Great write!

    This was written very well! You managed to convey your depression and despair quite clearly. The dark is not only apparent in this poem, but seems to even engulf it. Bravo! Thanks for entering in my contest and good luck!


  • MichaelLeeSmyth
    March 26

    Edit | Reply
    This is an stark view on the subject, very good. The dark despair within us, those attempting to help us with their version of "salvation'. They do not understand that what may be their salvation does not apply to all.
    good luck in the contest


  • Age of Rain
    August 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Again, you have some unusual images here. 'drips from my pores.' You connected with the pic rather well, despite the abundance of negativity. We all get that sometimes. I quite liked 'otiose.' A stylistic suggestion, try italicizing the lines that address the reader, for an added punch. I do this with a measure of success I think, though it works well as it is. It is interesting, when I first started to read this I thought, 'oh dear, this is going to be emo.' While it did retain that to a degree, it was well written enough for me to overlook this. I think you have a great deal of talent.


  • XxemohatexX
    June 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    wow

    this is realygood and you have a chance ill have to look up some of the words but i liked most of it


  • darkstinger
    June 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very descriptive. I love it.

    Ray


  • crystallynnbradford
    June 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    perfect description of pain and misery...perfect


  • Devient
    June 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    "Tell your “God” that I can’t be fucking saved,
    Or simply, that I don’t want to be."
    These are great lines, and i know exactly what you mean, I have been there a thousand times over and am sorry that you were too. This piece is very moving and raw, i like the pain and emotion in it, I almost feel like we are of the same mind at some points


  • stavykm gold member
    May 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    Oh how I have felt this way before. You did a great job in writing your feelings of Agony in this poem. Very well done and best of luck in the contest. You should do very well.
    Blessings
    Kelle Marie
    stavykm


  • BleedingDeep
    May 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I think htis is very deep. AND I love this piece. I'm glad you entered this in the contest, I'm very happy to judge it.

  • TenebraeAeterna
    May 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I'm not at all sorry that I read this, especially considering this is where I am right now, and have been for nearly two months now. I would say that I love it, but I'm not really capable of feeling that anymore. Very well written and beautiful in it's own, special way.


  • mantis180
    May 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Stunning in it's passion and intense anger, the poem itself is injected with such emotion and raw feeling... It's a beautiful piece, leaving the reader with such a feeling of remorse, and... pity? Not the right word, but it is as close as I can come. This is a wonderful piece, and you wrote it so well. I particularly like:
    “I am nothing…”
    It sounds so tragic;
    Falling from my own lips.
    Such a taste of reality here, not the usual poetic drivel... very well done. I loved it.
    -Ashley

  • JWGoethe
    May 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Angry! I loved it. We should all consider the possibility that God does not like us. He might even hate us, which is why I think so many people hate him/her back. Excellent and thought provoking write that is sure to piss a lot of people off, which is always a sign of success in my book.

  • mindpoet
    May 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I can relate to every part of this and nothing seems out of place here. It is what agony is about; a form of martyrdom; the sense that you don't fit in with the rest of the self-righteous universe, and that 'god' if he exists doesn't really want to save you. I've been there & am there, dude! This piece sounds like numerous conversations I've had with myself.
    Thanks for sharing naked truth with us.
    Erik


  • Ronztrek
    May 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Powerful

    You have accomplished greatness in this poem, such a powerful expression that is quite sticking. In my opinion you have selected very well every word to express your agony. Great Poem, keep writing!


  • nobodys looking
    May 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really like it other than I think saying "I can't be fucking saved" just seems odd with the rest of the poem. I don't think like SoS that it takes away from the poem. Just that it seems akward. Other then that amazing job!

  • Dark Heart
    May 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is very well written! a bit sad, but thats what makes it grip you and keeps you reading. nice job!


  • SoS
    May 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hmm. I don't really care for a few things in this. For one, I really think that the use of the F bomb takes away from the poetry, and, "Tell your 'God'" is a little cliche for my tastes. I really liked it up to line 7, and think that you had a great start there. Good work, though!


  • Ratatoskr
    May 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, Simply amazing. I was just sitting here clicking through the poems and this caught my eye. Reminds me of my best friend. Who hates everything including himself. Nicely done!


  • RawrItsKrista
    May 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! This is excellent. I relate to this poem 110%
    I agree with everyone else too, I love the words you use. And you wrote a very descriptive poem. I love it!


  • Puking Faerie Dust gold member
    May 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Awww I hope you don't really feel this way, dear. You know I'm here for you if you need But anyhoo, the poem itself is very interesting and unique. I like your diction (as a lot of others said ) and the flow was really good. Everything just sort of went together, but didn't mush. The emotions were great, too. You know what I mean, lol. The ending is awesome, also. Awesome right lovely!
    Jeanette*~


  • Travis Girl
    May 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This a very good poem.


  • MzObvious
    May 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    well done!

    Last night i cryed myself to sleep because of this....
    This poem is how i feel today...
    Beautiful work i like it.


  • Lovewaits
    May 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    That was deep and a little alarming! I like the choice of words used and how you got your message across.


  • Clovis...Curious silver member
    May 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Superb

    Ah, a very vivid picture is what you have painted here, and you have done it very well, indeed. I can relate to this poem quite well. However, I hope in your life the 'ending' is more positive.


  • Binary
    May 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I can relate to this poem. Good job!


  • PoetsHeart
    May 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    and when the agony consumes it is as tight, unforgiving as bindings that should keep us together, it refuses to allow any light or even consider that there is light somewhere to be found


  • Six-feet-under
    May 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    very strong work here
    lovely poetry. great use of words too. 'I am otiose...' stands out very well against the bleak words used great stuff.

  • Raven Rose
    May 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    damn!.....

    i can feel the intese emotion coming from this! lol.... and i can really relate to it.... just let it pore...


  • SolaceInTears
    May 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is such a hardcore self-sorry lament.

    great choice of words...jaded/liar/otiose...parasite/saint/martyr...agony.

    i would love to hear this screamed with accompanying double-bass.

1 - 35 of 35