open the door, i said.
please. but
it stayed closed
and i thought
maybe no one
was behind it.
only the unbalanced
light announced
that 'I am here'
'now here' and
i knew you were
moving quickly
from sidetoside.
this is where
i should have
begged on
my knees for
you to forgive
me,
called over
the gulping kettle
"lets settle this
the right way".
or something
like that.
but no, you
were the wrong
one for shutting
me out and I remembered
that until I
got to the
red stop
sign
at
the
end.
and suddenly
I'm standing
over the
bloodguilt child
who wasn't breathing
and I was screaming
"why didn't you
open the fucking door"
and more vulgar
things.
this is
where I
should have
said "sorry"
and "I
love
you"
and stuff.
but
no.
Author notes
dedicated to someone I care for a lot.
In a list
A contest entry
- street by Nam.
425 points, ended May 22, 2008, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Wow. You shoule have won something with this. I know firsthand that Nam is a critical person, but they should have LOVED this piece! Awesome job.
-
Argh, that introduction/first stanza was wowowow. That's alll that comes to mind
I also like the word "bloodguilt"- I think this is the first time I've ever heard it. It sounds really mystical and dark, so thats a good atmospheric word for me. This reminds me of a few instances in my life. I'm sure everyone can relate in some way. It's good that you left it broad enough for people to fit it into their lives somehow, 'cause that's a big thing in poetry. At least for me... either make it relateable, or try to make them see through your poem. I don't know, lol. It's too early 
But your poem's amazing 
Jeanette*~
-
called over
the gulping kettle
"lets settle this
the right way".
or something
like that.
but no, you
were the wrong
one for shutting
me out and I remembered
that until I
got the
red stop
sign
at
the
end.
and suddenly
I'm standing
over the
bloodguilt child
who wasn't breathing
and I was screaming
"why didn't you
open the fucking door"
and more vulgar
things.
incredible. i pressed "submit comment" too quickly.
the ending is a stab in the chest. oofta. -
man.
sad.
-
i like "and more vulgar things" and the second stanza which was GORGEOUS.
-
Wow. This sounds very emotional, but not at all in the way other poems are emotional. The regret is so poignant here, and the vagueness at the end just emphasizes that. I can really feel this, it's also a beautiful dedication. I don't know if you speak from your own point of view, but this is very moving.
-
-
it was written solely on the emotional of regret, so I'm so glad that was evident. It's not from my point of view, however the 'you' in the story is a very close family member. Luckily, they are still breathing, though I don't know for how much longer.
-
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