base tall, the Lilly
within reach I gather
the most fragrant one
A contest entry
- PERFECT FLOWER HAIKU by Swan song.
600 points, ended May 18, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Is this personal
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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I've read this several times. There seems to be a deeper inpact with each read, I like that in poetry! Lovely writing. Don't we all reach for the most fragrant, to us! Geo
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Condensed into the nectar only. A moment of perfection, you and the flower...and the scent will linger.
Lovely moment.
~ Joyce
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only you could say it like this. You are full of sensual
fragrance in every word. thanks
come drop by anytime.
Tamara
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This is a layered poem ...
and interpretation remains with the intended personification.
An interesting nuance will be attained, should you leave out the I
(which makes it a senryu and not a haiku) and if you bring in the season, too, it will be an added bonus:
base tall, the lily
within reach -- gather
summer's fragrant one
(or winter's, spring's -- whatever season you want to stress)
But: this is only a suggestion. If the host accepted this, then all is well!
Well done, Poetess.
Love
Myra
Thank you for reading my work with such loyalty. What a hectic time!
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This is lovely, Tamara. I love flowers and I love flowers in poetry (as you know, lol) - so I love this poem. Well done...! In Afrikaans we have so many beautiful names for a morning glory and just seeing it makes me smile.
~ Nicolette
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This is persnal I would say usually in hiaku you want to try and keep the I out of it as much as possible
Here I is in the poem but it is not the main charecter
some would say it does not work some would say it does.
I tend to be more the one who likes as much I out of the haiku as possible, but I do make eceptions Good hiaku
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Nicely done
Scented poetry, I dare to say. And the title perfectly and loud speaks about your flower.
~Sonja~
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lovely
Nice haiku. Good title. I love lilies. Lilies are my favorite flower...oh yeah huha!
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