base tall, the Lilly
within reach I gather
the most fragrant one
A contest entry
- PERFECT FLOWER HAIKU by Swan song.
600 points, ended May 18, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Is this personal [Reward: double points]
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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haikus are always so lovely to read, and this one is beautiful. it says so much in so very little lines. the background also ties in well! good write!
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very nice...short and sweet...the beauty of this piece shines through...thanks for sharing...
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aww i love haikus... and this is well done. There is something about those three little lines that just made me want to read them over and over and over again. They are very well done!! I found the image of that single flower so vivid in my mind as if i reached out I could touch it... this was well done!!
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simply superb
Very eloquently written.
I love short bursts of beauty such as this, they are so friendly to the reader and considerably enjoyable when approached properly, which you most definitely have done! -
A nice effort, with a wisp of fragrent imagery, well done.
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I love this!! I like Haiku anyway, if well done & this is. It's sometimes hard to draw the lines together into one single free flowing thought. You have done that here very nicely. A calm fragrant beauty awaits the reader of this Haiku. I think there is more meaning with each time this is read. This can speak to everyone in their own individual way.
. Rewarded 6
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Wonderful
As I the reader on the outside looking at the sight, Beautifully told
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I've read this several times. There seems to be a deeper inpact with each read, I like that in poetry! Lovely writing. Don't we all reach for the most fragrant, to us! Geo
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Condensed into the nectar only. A moment of perfection, you and the flower...and the scent will linger.
Lovely moment.
~ Joyce
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only you could say it like this. You are full of sensual
fragrance in every word. thanks
come drop by anytime.
Tamara
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This is a layered poem ...
and interpretation remains with the intended personification.
An interesting nuance will be attained, should you leave out the I
(which makes it a senryu and not a haiku) and if you bring in the season, too, it will be an added bonus:
base tall, the lily
within reach -- gather
summer's fragrant one
(or winter's, spring's -- whatever season you want to stress)
But: this is only a suggestion. If the host accepted this, then all is well!
Well done, Poetess.
Love
Myra
Thank you for reading my work with such loyalty. What a hectic time!
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This is lovely, Tamara. I love flowers and I love flowers in poetry (as you know, lol) - so I love this poem. Well done...! In Afrikaans we have so many beautiful names for a morning glory and just seeing it makes me smile.
~ Nicolette
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This is persnal I would say usually in hiaku you want to try and keep the I out of it as much as possible
Here I is in the poem but it is not the main charecter
some would say it does not work some would say it does.
I tend to be more the one who likes as much I out of the haiku as possible, but I do make eceptions Good hiaku
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Nicely done
Scented poetry, I dare to say. And the title perfectly and loud speaks about your flower.
~Sonja~
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lovely
Nice haiku. Good title. I love lilies. Lilies are my favorite flower...oh yeah huha!
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