Warrumbungle Ranges point dark knuckles at the sky,
'twas an ancient shield volcano in those years gone by
Erosion has reduced it all to rolling wooded hills
With high spikes of solid lava to give the climbers thrills.
Deeply shadowed gorges, mysterious and dark
Home to native wildlife,a safe secluded park.
The weather varies greatly all around the ranges
Hot and dry in summer with many stormy changes
Summer winds come from the west,hot from the open plains
Easterlies in winter bring cold air and soaking rains
The air is clear, there is no smog,no towns exist nearby
The Anglo-Australian Observatory stands watching all the sky
Author notes
The Warrumbungles are a part of the range of mountains that extend from top to bottom of Australia near the east coast. This is an attempt to describe them in poetry. A first draft only. Comments please.
This is complicated- I need constructive critique
Comments
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your discription of
The War rum bun gles (is that how it is pronounced) maded me want to pack my bags. It is well observed, clear, poetic and authentic of voice. It's clear you love this place. The rhymes flow well, however: I have a few suggestions that I think will tighten up the form. 1. it will be easy to keep 12 syllables per line, and also, thereby, get rid of words that don't contribute to the essence of the poem, perhaps distilling it ,
eg. L1. Warrumbungles Ranges - dark knuckles against sky.(outstanding metaphore)
L2. An ancient shield valcano in ages gone bye.
L3. Erosion reduced, to rolling, wooded hills.
and so on for each line.
Then for perfect sonnet form, add a couplet to the end. explaining what this place means to you. No offence intended on this lovely work, you asked. Return the favor?
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This piece won't be limited to a sonnet. In the time before european settlers came to this land the Warrumbungles was a special place for the Aboriginal people who have taken care of Australia for about 40,000 years. I have yet to complete my reaseach into this phase of the poem. depending on the feelings I get after the research is completed, this piece may yet become prose. It is a work in progress that I feel I must get right. I do thank you for you comments and suggestions. It's food for thought and consideration.
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Hi Bob! I love the imagery, and the feel of the weather is really interesting. Your poetry beautifully matched the already intriguing title/name. Who wouldn't be intrigued by "Warrumbungle," yet, your words made it more exciting. Just reading the first line made me sense right away: oh he's talking about a geologic wonder.
Sheild volcano must be a typo: should be shield volcano? Wiki said it's a large volcano with shallow-sloping sides.
Certainly a great job, Bob.
mornings,
joy -
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Hello Joy, Thank you for your complimentary comments and also for telling me about the typo. from where I live I can see parts of the Warrumbungles, but only parts. The volcano has been out of action for about 13 million years but it must have been a huge one in its day. We are about 40km away and the ridges left by lava flows can still be seen down our way. They don't look much like lava flows now. Thanks again, cheers - Bob.
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I love it!! I love that first line.. "points dark knuckles at the sky" fantastic imagery in that!!
Second stanza when you are talking about summer, you could take out the second summer..? and the end lines... "all the sky" not sure you need the "all".. ? you could say something like "stands silently watching full sky" I dunno.. just a suggestion seeings as you asked for some.. feel free to completely ignored... your masterpiece!
I think it's a wonderful topic to write about and your words are so descriptive I can imagine being there!
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Thank you Jackie, This peom has been around for ages but it just won't jell. Maybe it should be prose. I did write a prose poem but didn't post it anywhere. I will edit this one some more and try to get it to flow nicely.
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