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Will-o-the-Wisp

My tower of illusions dissipates,
insubstantial as a lover's promise.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Cynthia Gaines gold member
    May 21, 2008
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    Outstanding Talent, Poet!!!

    i love it! Best of luck in this contest!!


  • notorious gold member
    May 19, 2008

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    So very deep in its metaphor laced in just 10 words. Illusion and love connect so well here because you make it so.

    I think "insubstantial as" should be reversed in its order.

    Making it read off as:

    "as insubstantial as a lover's promise."

    The formatting seems more logical to me and it reads off with more flow. Otherwise, a very good write.


  • Age of Rain
    May 18, 2008

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    Brilliant metaphor. Your title interacts with the poem, and your words bring the powerful image home. A truly magnificent quickie!


  • cherche -d -ame
    May 18, 2008

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    quite profound words here, yet I would like to believe that not every lover's promises are insubstantial [even though I am sure that most of us had such an exoerience at one time or another]. I wish you the best in the contest,
    reenie


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    May 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Hmmm. Like it.

1 - 5 of 5