Surrender

How did this happen?  How did I become so frail, so weak? i can’t stop the feeling inside me.  I hurt bad, its not right. 

All these people reaching out to a hopeless case like me, why?  Everyone trying to get inside my mind and thought process, one that I can’t even comprehend, how would they?  Im insane or at least I feel like I am.  Who stares back at me through the mirror is a girl I barely know. She desperately wants help, needs help.

Just give me something to make me numb when the feeling comes from being alone.  How the tears won’t stop falling.  

I can swim in a pool with them.  Brush me off and pick me up, un-break me if you can.  Do the impossible and fix me, the million little pieces I have crumbled in to.  Make me feel whole again.  Whether you can or not just make me believe it.  Tell me a story of happy times.  Ones I can’t remember. 

Too many lost causes like me.  Looks like we just lost one 

more.  And there I go slipping through the cracks barely making it.  My chest is heavy and I can’t breathe, somebody help me. 

Please I'm reaching out, yes me, the strong one, I’m throwing myself under the bus and surrendering.  I need more than this. This empty feeling of sadness.  I wanna feel again.  i'm tired of the numbness my body subsides to. 

I smile when the pain is coming cause I know deep down even if it hurts there is a part of me that’s still alive.  As sick as that sounds it’s the plain truth.  How dark the words have become that flow so easily from my lips across to the screen.  Almost shocking that they come with such flow.