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Blown Away {Haiku}

feathers fall
from the ink black sky
blown away

Author notes

This is one of my first attempts at haiku, so constructive criticism is welcome. Thank you!

A contest entry

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Comments


  • markgrif gold member
    May 20

    Edit | Reply
    This is good.
    You should try to write some haiku in 5-7-5 syllable format. I bet you'd take to it.


  • Nephlim
    May 19

    Edit | Reply
    The poems leave a lot of questions, but I kind of like that, make me lose my imagination. Like where do the feathers come from? I can imagine that they come from clouds (that would be silly ) from birds, from angels. And I can imagine the clouds being black like the sky, barely a shadow against the night. Very nice!
    GREAT job
    diggin it majorly


  • exalted
    May 19
    Edit | Reply
    it's short so i don't know how much i can say about this. it's interesting, but i think you could have said more, or written multiple haiku stanzas as a poem. i'd give you constructive criticism but i find haiku to be so small that i don't know what to say. the only criticism i can give is using "ink black". since that's common imagery, and there's not much room to work with, i'd come up with a more creative image.

    thanks for the entry
    -cassidy