Internally
time whisks away
penetrating
life
to halt
or
wither to death.
Where hidden clocks
touch,
breath
with sickened hands.
Author notes
20words
prompt:http://budgie.deviantart.com/art/13oclock-85890774
A contest entry
- 10/20/20 Quickie... let's go people!! by kiwigirljacks.
600 points, ended May 17, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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A very striking opening to this vivid piece. The words, picture, and background came together in perfect harmony!! well written and best of luck in the contest!!
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A unique piece, with a lot of emotions and meaning. Liked the photo and how you weaved it in there. Wonderful piece, keep it up.
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Damn I felt that beginning!! I certainly have felt those clocks bring me to a halt!!
Fab take on the prompt.. thanks!!
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I agree... this is very nicely done and is pure quality...
Ken
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Contrary to your comment on the contest page...this doesn't suck man!! You bolded all the right words for the right emphasis!
My favorite lines:
"time whisks away"
I love the word 'whisks'...must jot that down to write later...
"wither to death."
Painfully vivid. Ouch.
"Where hidden clocks
touch,"
LOVE this!!
"breath"
Er, did you mean 'breathe'? There's a difference...I think 'breathe' would make more sense, but maybe you did mean 'breath'...let me know?
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im pretty sure i meant breath...and yeah i know the difference..lol.
but the flower babys breath, is babys breath and not babys breathe right?
this is to make sure i used the right word..because ill get mixed up with spelling soemtimes.lol
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aha! niiiice interpretation ...
where hidden clocks touch, breath ... yep yep yep.
Love this.
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great take on prompt.... i like this.... thanks for sharing the words of your heart.... gooood luck in contest....!!!!
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