Time has stained
hair grey and etched
its passage in skin
But you remain
the love I first saw
Author notes
20 words
Picture Credit: http://budgie.deviantart.com/art/13oclock-85890774
A contest entry
- 10/20/20 Quickie... let's go people!! by kiwigirljacks.
600 points, ended May 17, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critical Comments Always Welcome
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Great phrasing makes this a little gem!!! Endearing and romantic... Loved it!!!
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Good job with so few words. I wonder if given two words, what would you write? Hmmmmm... Photo enhances the poem, strange but that suits you.
Cheryl
Don't forget the extra spaces at the bottom for visual effect (ok, for my visual effect)
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Aww so very sweet, loving and romantic! Love it!
Such a warm and touching image in so few words. Best of luck to you my friend.
Linda
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"passage in skin"
Wonderfully worded phrase right here.
Plus, great descriptions of what time does to us humans...
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Very sweet, clever use of 20 words. (I'm resisting counting). Great take on the prompt.
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Awww now this is romance
A very touching piece in just 20 words!!
Nicely done!!
My best to you in the contest!!!
Linda
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wow. Very beautiful take! wonderful sentiment!
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Brilliant!!!
You've penned a winner, Ken. Best of luck to you!!!
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Aww.. what a lovely sentiment!! That kind of love is the truest kind.. that still sees the beauty with the passing of time... love it
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