paler shades of white
using my palm as her grave
daisy falls asleep
Author notes
Haiku
A contest entry
- PERFECT FLOWER HAIKU by Swan song.
600 points, ended May 18, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Oh how sweet!! This is another adorable Haiku!!
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Such a beautiful sad haiku well done and good luck
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Ambiguous and PERFECT...really and truly!!
I could never understand form poetry, but it's apparent that you do..it doesn't even seem like a haiku (but I'm no judge, as I don't remember the form) because it flows so naturally!!
It's descriptive in a minimalistic way--you get the entire picture, but it's not loaded with patronizingly clever words.
"using my palm as her grave"
Darkness written so delicately...an utterly perfect line.
"daisy falls asleep"
Do you mean the flower, or somebody named Daisy? The fact that it could go both ways amazes me--great ending. Plus, your "falls asleep" is a little ambiguous--are we talking about death (as I suspect) or simply falling asleep? This write really makes me think...Another perfect line.
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awww wow, i adore this
its so beautiful
lovely job and good luck
stephanie
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