Seeing you cry is the worst pain for me
I just wanted to hold you.. but I couldent
I got told just to leave you be
Thats what gave my heart a big dent
Seeing those tears run down your face
And there was nothing I could do
Made my heart begin to race
And made my heart split in two
You never wanted me to see you cry
And I did so now all I can do is bare it
Seeing you like that made tears out my eyes
As my heart breaks bit by bit
I cant go over there
Cause even if I did I would just break down
But it may seem like I dont care
Or do you see me with this giant frown?
Do you see the tears falling rapidly down my cheeks?
Do you see how I'm hurting inside?
Do you hear the cries that my heart shreaks?
I want to be with you by your side
But I cant I can only sit...and Suffer
A contest entry
- The B**** is Back. by I-Am-Custard.
450 points, ended July 7, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I'll be picky first. Your spelling and grammar are appalling.
This is also too conversational. Either be poetic, or write with a voice, in a regional accent maybe, not this halfway thing you have going. It jars with the sentimentality you're trying to put across. And you talk about your heart too much, it's melodramatic and it smacks of falseness.
Thank you for entering. -
I like this :}
Its really well written XD -
wow,this is very touching.i loves it,even though its very very very sad.
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this is so sad and emotional but u dont have to suffer if u ever need to talk im here
im emo to
~~ksenia~~ -
The ending is sad, and emotional. I'm sorry to hear about your pain, hope that things imprve for you.
Not too sure on the caps on every word, but just my opinion, nice work otherwise.
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