Your razor glance slashes through
the brightwild scarves of pretense,
the dark, swirling cloak of half truth,
the tired, rusting armor of defense,
the smiling off-white mask of youth,
and finds me small,
naked, and afraid.
A contest entry
- Naked by AJ Morelli.
2500 points, ended June 3, 2008, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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hey
Your razor glance slashes through
the brightwild scarves of pretense,
the dark, swirling cloak of half truth,
the tired, rusting armor of defense,
those lines are my favourite. This piece of poetry is stunning and captivating, truly remarkable. There is so much feeling and emotion pored into each line and every single word; makes you think, I love when poetry makes you think that’s the best part about poetry the thought and feeling lingering in your head after words see now you know you did something right I’m rating aren’t I? I just wanted you to know that I really enjoyed this write keep up writing well penned literature bravo! You should be proud.
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I love the way you painted the reader a picture of being lied to and deceived. I like how you described the feelings, it really popped out to me. The last two lines are so raw and bare, you can really see the emotion in it. It's intense but it isn't long and tedious to read. It goes straight to the point and doesn't hold back. Great job and keep up the writing.
Veg
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This is excellent. It really describes the emotions of being decieved, the way its like an attack, as it hurts your feelings as well as it sort of damages trust. I like how you communicated how it hurts (razor glance- great image) and getting past the "rusting armor" of our defenses- great. I think the last two lines really sum it up. I like this a lot.
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"the brightwild scarves of pretense"
gosh i just loved this ^^.
you convey alot in just a few short words, well done.
keep writing x
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Really nice, I liked it a lot. "Smiling off-white mask" I loved that part. Wonderful metaphor also. Great Write.
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When I first read through this I found it very striking very simple but on re reading I found it to be multi layered and oh so intense.
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i absolutely love this. i love how you give character to things like pretense and truth and youth, it really sheds a whole new light on the poem. great job
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You should have won gold I think.You did a great job.I like the title that you chose it was perfect.The way in which you wrote this was perfect.My favorite lines would have to be the last 4 lines.
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Coolness
finds me small,
naked, and afraid.
This is something that everyone here can connect with no matter how much ever they try to hide it. Inner conscious always leaves you small, naked and afraid.
Good verse keep playing with the words.
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Ooh, wow! Your poem dons the finest raiment of words, and your soul wears nothing at all. You have really drawn me in with this one. It's so short, but I like every line!
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I loved the imagery here, and the antithesis of the strength of armour with the weakness rusting. It is powerful, and can represent for me large or small lies. Well done!
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Hmmm I haven't looked at the contest surronding this poem, but I enjoyed it on it's own. I love the first two lines ecspecially. Nice work!
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this is lovely, it does not comply to free verse only rule but it is a nice piece...
thanks for entering it here
al -
Great title, I enjoyed the poem, best wishes in the contest.
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What a great take on the prompt... Very enjoyable and wonderfully clever... All the best in the contest...
Ken
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