Futile glimpses- undevotional love,
exasperated tyranny,
unobjectional hate
all furnish themselves inside boxes filled with lies.
Building higher, higher still
till they touch blue sky,
each child left praying once again
for lifting clouds- sunshine for a new day.
Grinning fools feel deserving,
while decapitated scholars whimper in their sleep.
It doesn't matter anyway-
this is all just another running metaphor.
Just another lie in your favorite fairy tale.
Author notes
Theme: A Liar's Fairy Tale/Why must poets make something so simple, make me want to cry?
This was inspired by a friends plea of 'Common terms. I know you write, don't kill me with the nonsense though'
PO Contest
A contest entry
- Poem of the Week - POW by Arkbear.
1000 points, ended May 19, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Be harsh, be specific.
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Hi :)
I have to agree a lot with your other Judges ~
I like your write, but the originality, or non-originality, affects all the other areas of your work sometimes....let's see how your entry does on my board ~
I have seen you pen us stuff much more in tune with Power & Impact....but this time it is only ok for me ~
Good luck and thank s for coming out to support the PO
Contests again!
Good luck and God bless,
Bear ~
Title 9.25....too long for me -
Flow 9.25
Depth 7.0...dig deeper next time....deeper does not mean darker -
Theme 6.95
Feelings 5.45
Grammar 9.15
Presentation 9.5...tighten up your format -
Uncommonness 5.0...unoriginal -
Sit & Ponder Affect 8.0...dig deeper -
Ability to follow Rules 10 ..perfect I believe -
Bears Score: 79.55
Good job :)
Theme is key ~
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Hello and thanks for joining us this week.
Im pretty much in agreement with the other judges as far as the areas of impact and power...Most definately a theme providing opportunity for this, even if just in jest...to go with the tone of the theme/inspiration...there really was a great platform to have built from.
I honestly really liked your theme and thought it was unique and made for an interesting read...but the note on the inspiration considerably helped your theme out...at least for me it did.
But I would have liked to see a little more wow...a little more depth. I really hope to see you back again! Beat wishes. My final score will come later.
Jamie
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Well, I enjoyed this bed of lies
running metaphore...whatever Good luck in the contest 
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Hi - welcome back to the PO...
Your title was way too long for me - maybe just 'Liar's Way' would have been more effective?
A fairly common theme, and lacked the impact and 'wow' factor. A nice basis, though, for a much stronger write with some added imagery and emotion.
You did well on following the rules - congrats!
Best wishes in the contest, and hope to see your talent again in future contests.
My score will come later.
**Remember - no editing once a judge has commented -
Aloha and welcome to POW.
Once you have been in these contests for awhile you will know more what is expected. You have a fairly common theme....done in a different light. I felt like you were just starting...then....bam ....you ended.
I wanted more! You have some great ideas...just need expanded. I hope to see more of you and your talent in the future. Best wishes in the contest....more judges to come...you will recieve my final score, after the others have commented.
Thanks for entering!
Write on.
*PEACE*
Remember: No editing once a judge has commented.
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