Someday
I’ll know twenty-four hours will mean
more than a day. A morning sun
hope and not just a moment.
Someday
I’ll know sixty minutes will be
more than an hour. The words of
a promise will no longer be lies.
Someday
I’ll know sixty seconds will prove
an immeasurable minute. Instants with
you will never be wasted.
Author notes
someday - this is very much a first draft, I think it needs working on -time prompt
A contest entry
- OPTIONS - Come and see!!!! PW ARE ALLOWED - by mystic-angel.
900 points, ended May 19, 2008, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Very deep
I love the imagery and working of this poem. It is so true that any measure of time can mean so much more under the right circumstances. Someday, I hope to feel this again. Thank you for reading my poem.
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I really liked this. The repetition of someday brought alot to this piece. Also I liked the use of hours, minutes, and seconds, it all came down to the ending point. Nicely done. I enjoyed reading it. Thanks for sharing dear.
<3 Vampy -
I see you are calling this a first draft in your notes, but I really like it. I'm not sure exactly what it is about it that I really felt. Maybe it's the overflowing of hope for the future, and the idea that things can become better than we had ever imagined if we are only willing to open ourselves up to accepting that possibility. I'd love to come back and see it again if you do choose to edit it as I'm sure you'll work magic with it, but I think it is great as is.
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I, too, got the sensation of a clock ticking as I read this. The last stanza was especially well done.
Congratz on the hardware!
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The repetition here works really well, as does your amazing concept of time. As far as criticism goes, all I have to say is the second half of the first stanza ["A morning sun/ hope and not just a moment"] seems a little off.
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Someday...we can only hope.
Great poem, keep writing
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I like the repetition. It binds together the aching need with hope. Also it gives a neat sort of ticking clock effect.
The second line and the third line of the first stanza don't flow as smoothly as the other two stanzas, but I don't know what to do about it...
Much Love. -
Dazzling
This was lovely. The concept of hope within is really inspirational. I love the repetition of 'someday' which creates a special effect and emphasises the tone of the poem. Lovely Write, just beautiful! Congratulations on the HM, well deserved
~Emily~ xx
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Time to get a brill review!
Lovely work on the conept of time, so time for you to get another great review!
This dances off the page with its lively flow and lovely sentiments, captivating the reader all the way through.
So many people take time for granted, seems you have a grasp of the meaning of time. Well done on this one, its ingenious and beautifully conveyed too. Fabulous entertaining read.
Poetic Hugs,
Kaz xx
Kaytc
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your immagery is strong and the flow with the story of the heart is wonderful..I love this write..and my thanks for sharing it...
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a very beautiful poem. love the way you took it. really length of the time depends on what we get/lose from it. rather than how many secs or min or hrs are contained in it.
congarts for the trophy. -
for a first draft, this isn't too bad. i like how you went through each denomination of time
this was a good piece. and congrats on the HM
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Nice Fist Draft.. Sometimes First drafts are the best
.. Your know Speck of Dust was a first Draft.. and I wrote it in Ten Minutes..
Your friend in Poetry... JackReed3..
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I think this is great just as it is. Beautiful words with perfect meaning. Thanks for your entry. Good luck!
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