Your morning voice drifts
serenely through my dreams,
I hear your thoughts and
wonder where you are.
Silent contentment caresses
your head curled lightly
in the curve of your arm,
hair cloaking your scars,
masking the memories
floating lazily into the
rise and flow of the
life within.
Warm fingered sunlight feathers the
freckles of your cheek,
lingers on a half imagined smile,
languidly strokes the traces of
your lips as I slip into
the tranquillity that is you.
Author notes
just tried to capture that early morning first eye opening moment - was inspired by the sight of himself asleep and wanted to perserve the peace of the moment and how i felt when i began to open my eyes. it's one of those tiny moments in life most of us tend to take for granted but it teaches us to appreciate that real beauty is all around us and we should probably be more grateful for what we have in our lives.
baa humbug - is that right?
A contest entry
- Peace, Bliss, Love, Happy, by Cancer.
345 points, ended June 10, 2008, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - From Your Head and Into a Poem by Hectic Michelle.
600 points, ended June 11, 2008, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Fantasy, Moxie and a bit of Talent by lostangel07.
450 points, ended August 10, 2008, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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wow I gotta say that I really do like this one. I think you did picture that early morning touch and awakening that two lovers feel. Thanks for sharing this with us and thanks for entering it into my contest.
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AWESOME!
You definately deserved all the trophies you recieved for this one.
Just lovely. -
I love this..its beautiful and smooth and emotional...its perfect
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Nice write. Congrats on the trophies (and many comments) it has netted, all testament to a very well written piece. Beautiful piece.
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Congratulations on the silver. There is a lesson to be taught here. Thank you for entering in my contest.
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I can see why this won two silver trophies. It really conveys a sense of peace and contentment and captures the theme very well- that one moment of waking up beside someone you love. I like how you clarified it in your author's notes. Thanks for entering this in my contest and letting me read it, it was a great read.
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this is pure beauty
for it speaks of love
not the love me now
and here
but the love
that can last a lifetime -
It is those moments we take for granted most of the time that I notice most in my man. I never felt more beautiful than the first time he saw me fresh out of bed in the morning hair a mess, bad breath and all. He kiised me anyway and told me I looked so cute. I like this so much because the message is inspiring and so true. As far as any suggestions, there are none because this is amazing
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I absolutely CAN NOT STRESS how much I enjoyed reading this. And you are right, we tend to take those moments for granted. But your poem really speaks to me, I think I'll take it a little less for granted as of now. I loved the part where it spoke of masking memories. You are a truly talented poet, and I could not think of any current way to make this poem any better than it already is. There are no awkward areas or grammar mistakes. The poem and the structure in itself, are both incredible. Thanks for sharing. Keep writing, I'll keep reading. [=
Love, Dollface.
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Very nicely done. My favorite part was the ending:
Warm fingered sunlight feathers the
freckles of your cheek,
lingers on a half imagined smile,
languidly strokes the traces of
your lips as I slip into
the tranquillity that is you.
Very descriptive.. I could see this in my mind as I read.
Congratz on your trophies!
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Great job on this poem! It is really well-penned and beautiful.
hair cloaking your scars,
masking the memories
floating lazily into the
rise and flow of the
life within.
I love that part! I don't really have any critique or suggustions, I think it's perfect the way it is.
Congrats on the trophies too! You deserved them.
God bless,
Bright Smyles
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wow
I usually don't care for this type of write but this is so magnificently written it cant be ignored!
It capture that moment perfectly
*Savina*
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what a wonderful image within this poem. cherish the moments that you have shared before they are gone.
i think that this is very well written and that you have done a great job penning this piece. -
Well done! I am glad that you love him so much. I'm looking for the perfect girl myself. I doubt I'll find her, but if I find a great girl who loves me, well then I'll be very happy. Then maybe we'll get married! And babies!! I wish you the best of luck!! - ocerus
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This is amazingly beautiful! Your title fits perfectly with this write as it has a very soothing feel to it. It is true that we all need to be reminded to appreciate what we have right in front of us. It is so easy to take the ones closest to us for granted. Nice write! Blessings, Patty
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Very Nice!! The author notes just confirmed the picture you had painted in your poem. "hair cloaking your scars", those that we seem to have more of as we grow older. "masking the memories", of a tragedy that your loved one endured. Yes, and capturing those golden moments that are more precious as we grow older. I could feel the love you have for him, a very lucky man. What you have done was "Take picture after picture with the camera of your eyes, placed them very neatly in the album of your heart".
Well Done
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Very Good
floating lazily into the
rise and flow of the
life within.
Warm fingered sunlight feathers the
freckles of your cheek,
lingers on a half imagined smile,
Love the senstivity in this
as you captured a moment so sweetly
Rick
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The read of this poem is smooth... you have found an elegant way to carry the reader along in your dream.
I enjoyed reading this.... good luck in your contests ~ -
I loved this poem. You formed a solid flow, as the poem seemed to move from one line to the next, almost mimicking the flow of thoughts you experience when you first wake up from a long sleep. The alliteration helped contribute to the flow, especially the repetition of the 's' and 'c' sounds that occured in the middle of the poem. Thank you for sharing. The sound devices really contributed to the imagery to form a beautiful piece.
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this was a very well done Poem I really like it alot. I can relate to it in a way although my love is miles from here I would love to wake in his arms and see his wonderful face next to me. Thank you for sharing this
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A lovely poem that you have written here.
-Nam
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Amazing wording and perfect flow. Your author's notes really brought it home for me. Thanks for entering and best of luck in the contest!!
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very nice indeed
"I hear your thoughts and
wonder where you are."
I like the gentle serenity of the whole write.
One can imagine sleeping in on a Saturday morning with a loved one.
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languidly strokes
your lips as I slip into
the tranquillity that is you.
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Well this is lovely! I love how you captured something that you saw the moment that you opened your eyes. It shows that he means a lot to you and enough to make you want to lock this memory into your mind forever. Mostly, thank you for placing this poem in my contest. I hope you do well!
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This one scored big in my book. A+
Your use of soft, and peaceful words immobilized my mind..it was amazing! The flow was just..stunning. Great job! -
This is beautiful and you really did capture that early morning first waking up feeling very well. Great poem
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This poem reads like an aubade, which is in fact what it is... a morning song. and of course, "morning songs" are my favourite songs, lol... so this one speaks right to me in a very soft and gentle voice.
I liked the lazy, hazy feelings this one evoked in me....the slow awakening, the eyes still dreamy.. indeed one of the most gentle times and the most precious. I liked this - thank you for a lovely entry.
~ Nicolette
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This is really quite special. I love this. It reminds me of my poem, called "Of You" in its tone. Although, yours is even more beautifully lazy and softly sexy.
Really fantastic piece!
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