I coat myself with confidence –
smear a smile on arid lips,
declare I am content but
stare into me and I’ll shout you my truth.
I’m drowning with insecurity,
a frenzied ant futile and frustrated
encircling an impossible burden
to be the perfect me.
Each hammered slur still tears
itself into my brain,
indelibly imprints the memory
of a shouted insult – why are
you so fat? So I tell myself
it’s my mind I need
over and over, and pretend
none of it matters any more.
Author notes
This is about the face I present to the world, it's based on reality but one that is thankfully changing. Someone I was once close with always used to call me fat, wasn't that gallant?
A contest entry
- Who are you? by zammy.
700 points, ended October 14, 2008, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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For some reason, the first and second line of this poem just seems to have made an impression on me and stuck in my mind. The problem with being overweight is that sadly, people tend to define you by your size, and forget that beneath the surface, a real person exists. The important thing is to remember not to define YOURSELF in that way. Thank you for entering my contest
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Intense
Every word has meaning..I love it! Nice flow and so beautiful.
Very nice friend
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Oh, and I forgot to mention that I loved the alliteration in the middle:
"a frenzied ant futile and frustrated"
Fantastic! -
Wonderfully relevant write here. Many, many people can identify with both being overweight, as well as people ridiculing them for being so. I'm sure this is the song in many of their hearts.
I love the word gallant. While not part of the poem, nor new to me, it's underused, both in written and practiced form nowadays.
Clappy dudes!
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ohhh... that's sad. i can really relate to this one, but for not the same reasons. one of my bestest friends used to call me stupid, and i would pretend i was all right with it. great idea for a poem, and i hope you are seeing better days! lol
- pb fudge
ps great idea for a title! =D
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gallants a new word for me. thanks for using it.
good title good poem.
good good good. shows how an insult can stick in our heads so easily, teasing us. -
i think im fat also..they are pumping food in my body because the doctors want me to gain weight and i have no control over it..they put a device in me in the mental hospital and i don't know how to explain it without sounding crazy..i wish it would stop...its disgusting...and there are other loopholes...i pray to God it will stop and that in a few months i'll be where i am supposed to be...good luck on your image dilemma..im if you need to chat
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This poem is extremely well written, thank you for sharing this with us. *hugs* I am insecure but not about the same thing. I think no matter how big someone says you are, if you are happy as you are, then no one should change that.
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This is amazing. There is such gorgeous imagery present in this peace, and the way the lines run is simply fantastic. Great job!
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I started reading this a little casually at first, and my mind spun. I started reading it again properly, and i realized that this poem covers so much of what i feel, and what i've been feeling for a while now. i used to be an athlete, but now i'v put on soo much weight and my whole family either makes fun of me or yells at me to lose it. i no how u feel, especially the drowning in insecurity part. Beautiful poem.
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First off, this line is great: "smear a smile on arid lips," I like very much the imagination in it: smearing a smile - gives the idea of forcing a smile, and arid lips - 'arid' brings to mind a desert, a good metaphor for lips that have completely run dry of smiles.
And my next favorite part is:
"a frenzied ant futile and frustrated
encircling an impossible burden". This picture is very real to me, because I've seen it so many times! An ant struggling with a burden bigger than itself trying, oh so hard, to manage... Really great metaphor and imagery.
Overall it's a touching piece and a poignant look at a person's feelings about his or herself.
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A short piece with the persona having a personal, powerful view about one's self; quite an intriguing point of view for the reader to "look through the persona's eyes".
Good write, all in all ^^
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I love that line "stare into me and I’ll shout you my truth".
This poem is so honest and heartfelt and I am sure many women and men can identify with this. -
GOOD***
The thing I enjoy about poetry the most is that it makes it so much easier to express feelings such as this. To be perfectly honest I thought it was going to be about the game Charades but now that I have read the poem I am glad it wasn't because this was much more meaningful and substantial. I think the title makes perfect sense and the first couple lines where definitely my favorite because they showed up what you wanted us to know and I think you executed it very well.
My only criticisms would be that the breaking of your sentences toward the end became a bit funky and made the flow of the poem more choppy and harder to read.
Right after the line # 8, I would break the rest into another stanza. Then I would work on getting a better flow for the audience to roll with.
Great job. I think it's cool that you where able to write and share this one. -
Thank you for sharing this, and for entering my contest. I can empathise with you on how you felt you had to hide how you really felt. Very expressively written.
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Hey, very nice writing! the imagery depicted here is amazing and clear! very well done. love the idea of an ant running around in a fluster. Good luck to you!
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