I cannot help if I worship
at the altar of you. You are my
cosmos, an unimagined deity,
a cupid’s crown worth
any supplication. Your eyes
a communion of devotion, your sibilant
a hymn to caress my senses,
your essence the sweet scarlet
slipping slowly through me.
A contest entry
- Altar by Polaja.
850 points, ended June 3, 2008, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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wow, that is nice and awesome! i can see why you won the contest! I love your alliteration at the end. good stuff! so i like to read stuff like this. let me know if u have any other poetic goodies that I might enjoy!
- Peanut buttter fudge
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very nice.
i like your word choices
"sweet scarlet"
"a cupid's crown"
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well done
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This is gr8 and it's really different to most the stuff i see. You've used some good vocabulary but it doesn't sound forced at all. My favourite lines:
"your essence the sweet scarlet
slipping slowly through me."
which I think is a great metaphor, if I have it right, for blood and hence life itself? Leme know if i'm wrong lol. Well done again and congrats on gold! i'm jealous still waiting 4 my 1st one!
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This was absolutely brilliant. Well deserving of a gold trophy for sure. Your wording is always so strong, and so direct. Shorter than some other pieces I've read by you, but outstanding none the less. Thank you for sharing this with us.
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EXCELLENT WORK
Nice write...short but powerful.
Nevadapoet -
Outstanding
I thought this poem was excellent with some well-chosen imagery and fine tone. You speak of your love with so much depth of feeling and make it seem very real. Congratulations on the gold trophy.
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Great use of descriptive phrases and very creative imagery. Much sensuality in this piece. A touch of serendipity for me in many of your word choices. Well done.
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I really like the imagery in this piece... and the alliteration really adds to the effect... I really enjoyed this poem - beautifully crafted and (especially the last two lines) wonderfully spine-tingling - in a happy way
thank you for entering this contest!
Keep writing
Polly
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I liked this poem, and the final two lines really punched it for me. Well done.
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