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Fallen

Warn me of the darkness
And show me how to fly
Tell me how to find the light
That's hidden in your eyes

Help me know that everything
Has meaning in this world
And that the evil closing in
Puts clear vision in a shroud

Show me how forever, love,
Can become more than a dream
And that eternal disattachment
Is just a worldly thing

Tell me now that you're not just
Another figment of my mind
Lead me where there's no more tears
And fly me to the sky

Author notes

This is about a fallen angel. Her true love comes down from Heaven to rescue her. This is kind of like her prayer that he really will save her instead of pull her farther down like everyone else has.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 20 of 20

  • AutumnsFlame
    April 19
    Edit | Reply
    hmm... Alright, but you could have added more imagery. Also, I think if you tried this in freeverse it would sound less forced.


  • Kathraina silver member
    April 15

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, lovely job with this write!
    Fantastic imagery and great flow here.
    The concept is great and interesting.
    Bravo!!!



    ♥ Kate


  • Umi Juvariel
    April 9

    Edit | Reply
    Besides the known concept that angels can't really love, I think it is nice to read a poem like this every once and while. Excellent write and good luck in my contest.


  • RealitysAStory
    March 29
    Edit | Reply
    It makes so much sense and I do love this poem so. Thank you for entering.

    s.sora

  • AutumnsFlame
    March 28

    Edit | Reply
    Very nice! You have an excellent meter here, but I think your rhyme needs work. I also think the lines could be longer. That way you can fit in more imagery. Thank you for entering my contest!


  • Ktulu Blackwolfe silver member
    December 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is very well done. i loved the imagery and it is not cliche' at all. Has a feel of Evanescence to it. Good luck to you.

    **Ktulu Blackwolfe**


  • November-Dani
    December 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    All I can say is Wow. This is incredibly written. Thank you so much for sharing it with us. It has come straight from the heart.
    Thank you for entering and best of luck.

    Dani.


  • SchizoChic
    October 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Simply beautiful. You did an excellent job writing this. I loved it. Best of luck in the contest and in life.


  • whispernthedark Greeters member
    September 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Great poem. Thank you for entering the contest, good luck.

    ♥
    whisper


  • myusikah
    August 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. That's indescribable. It's amazing. I can't say much more, other than what I said before. So yeah...
    Thanks for entering, and good luck~
    -->pia♫♪


  • faithwhisperer silver member
    June 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    What a different approach, and I think it's very interesting. Thanks for the entry, and best of success in the contest!


  • DawnKestrel
    May 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like the rhyme!
    Good luck in my contest!


  • LittleAnn
    May 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This reminds me of the poetry I used to write some time ago... Seems I've lost the ability to write poems that flow gently like this one.
    Such a beautiful poem, also with an interesting theme... Wonderfully written, thanks for sharing this with me!
    Keeo on writing!
    Annie


  • Lexie
    May 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Beautifully Written

    Wow, love this poem an awful lot. It has such a great flow to it and just gives you such a feeling. Loved it!

  • darkmindedfreak
    May 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    that has such a beautiful meaning! you put that meaning into such beautifully tragic words. i love it!

1 - 20 of 20