The veil drops o'er an eerie air.
Yet nature's breaking through the mood,
Sends you reeling - distorted sight,
The girls like nymphs dance out the night.
Follow, yet you know you shouldn't
Through grasses tall and heavy sound
Sleep takes over, you cannot fight,
As girls like nymphs dance out of sight.
Looming rock, shadows foreboding
Spreads mystery's air across the land,
Like towers with tremendous might
As the girls like nymphs chase the light.
Shed all trappings of this dark world,
Rise high above withering heat.
Climbing slow like a lead trimmed kite,
The girls dance higher bathed in light.
The world below stirs ever slow,
Deep in slumber 'neath heavy sun
'Till dusk begins a cooler night.
- The girls no longer in their sight -
The only trace hangs from the rock,
Petticoats laced with snowdrop white.
The girls danced out of this world's sight
To destiny's eternal quiet.
Now out of space and out of time,
Hear them only in breaths of wind
That whisper through the red lands quiet
And finish in the mountains might.
Author notes
Not knowing all that much about Australia and never having been there I chose a film - one of my favourites - which is an Australian film based on a book by an Australian author, "Picnic at Hanging Rock", which is also set in Victoria.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Picnic_at_Hanging_Rock_(film)
I hope this meets the criteria
I really wanted to avoid being 'tourist cliché' so I decided not to write about the obvious!
I'm not sure if there is a name for this particular form
but it consists of 4 line stanzas - 8 syllables per line with a not so strict rhyming scheme - abcc decc fgcc etc.
A contest entry
- Tour De Monde - Stage 1 by Errant Panther.
300 points, ended June 5, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Beautiful.
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Bella! Bella! This is a beautiful write with great storyline and perfect flow. The word usage was also great. The imagery was impecable. This poem took me on a wonderful trip through the red enchanting land of Australia.
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A different approach on the prompt, but all and all you have made it very clear on what you were trying to deliver to the reader
Each of you are unique
within this race
Thanks for joining in,
Frozentearz -
wow..love your rhyme scheme...and "Picnic at Hanging Rock" is very interesting..I chose folklore and touch on it..like you ..didn't want to do something cliche..which is what my futile attempts usually turn out to be..You have managed NOT to be cliche..thanx so much for sharing..blessings..namaste..
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veyr niced poem. i liked your chioce of words a lot. they are sophisticated words, which makes your poem seem more appreciative.
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Good use of lateral thinking, though you have based this on a movie, it is a story long held in Australian folklore, of college girls that disappeared and were never found on a visit to Hanging Rock at Mount Macedon in Victoria.
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