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Broken Mile

Missing image

"Come give me a hug
and i'll give you a smile"
and together we'll walk
upon life's broken mile.

Across despairs landscape
so rugged and bare
where no-one is happy
and fate doesn't care

To destitute corner
so dank and obscure
where the drugs and the bottle
provides no-one's known cure

Hold tight to my hand
as we travel the world
in our search for utopia
nature's pure untouched globe

So "come give me a hug
and i'll give you a smile"
and together we'll walk
upon life's broken mile.

 

Author notes

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Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • BuriedTreasures silver member
    October 9, 2008

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    Good flow of the unforced rhyme---
    Well structured and versed.
    A cute picture and your words breathe life into it.
    Well Done!


  • Reckless Butterfly
    August 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i like the idea of the broken mile, and in reading some of your comments i noticed that someone remarked on the cliche of the subject. Well, my response to that is, what constitutes original thought anymore? There are so many ideas already circulating that even when you think you have something new and different it's probably already been done. Don't be discouraged because your poem flows beautifully and the rhyme adds to the idea of being upbeat even through life's struggles. I enjoyed your writing very much! keep penning!

    -reckless


  • aanika
    August 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Across despairs landscape
    so rugged and bare
    where no-one is happy
    and fate does'nt care

    "does'nt" should be "doesn't"
    I like the repetition of the first stanza
    and the rhyme was nice


    • cutiepie gold member
      August 29, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for the correction Punctuation is not my strong point Glad you enjoyed it


  • Intravenous Jesus
    August 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Honestly, the rhymes seem a little too predictable and the message has been done so many times it's a little cliche. I am impressed with your meter and flow though. You do well with those. I'd be interested to see your poetry on other subjects


    • cutiepie gold member
      August 13, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for your honest opinion. It is always appreciated. I would be delighted if your read more of my poetry as a poet only grows from constructive comments


  • PrabhuDayal Khattar silver member
    May 31, 2008

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    A hearttouching invitation is here ..asking for the wonderful partnership which is beyond to explain..and beyond to narrate ..yet it is narrated in the amazing verse..well done....


  • Wandering Woodchuck gold member
    May 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really like this poem alot. It speaks of someone who has been around the block rather then the tirade of a child. I like that and I respect it. Many of us have our own broken mile to walk.

    Mike.


  • ladonnawolfe
    May 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Cute

    I love this poem it is simple and adorable. Great write!!!
    LaDonna


  • Shancy Fayre
    May 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like the poem a lot. You lost your rhyme in the middle. A little plaster and paint will make it even prettier. Good luck. Shancy.


  • Carolyn
    May 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is very moving. i really like it. the rhyme fits it very well.


  • Itahed
    May 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Life's Broken Mile

    I love this title. I was so moved by this piece that i am sharing this with a friend who is walking the "broken mile" thank you for such an awesome piece

1 - 19 of 19