the sky is dark and anxious;
as if it knows what events will follow
the rain falls fast and hard
belting against the walls of my heart
trickling down my skin
but instead of pain and sorrow
i embraced the liquid that drained me of emotion
i open my mouth,
and drink the rain
leaving a bittersweet taste on my tongue
quicker, and quicker it flows
making the small trickle a river,
but the river soon spills over the top;
and a flood will be inevitable.
suddenly im not thirsty
my stomache feels queasy,
my head feels dizzy
i try to keep my thoughts focused;
but the blur together and then leave.
i am left with nothing;
again.
i stand there,
my skin numb,
my heart beating a melody i wish not to hear.
each breath causes me immense pain.
my chest feels like its about to explode
the rain still falls,
but i can longer feel it.
i cant notice it,
but it starts to pour harder then ever before.
it drenches me,
but i dont feel wet;
i dont feel anything at all.
i collaspe under the weight of my thoughts,
barely concsious.
i focus all my remaining energy to open my eyes
i hear a faint whirring of an ambulance siren.
it occurs to me that i am moving against my will.
i open my mouth to ask what is happening,
but no sound that i can hear comes out.
then it all goes black.
they look at her shirt
saturated in a deep crimson
they go to lift her by the arms
but although noone says it,
they are repulsed by the sight of her wrists covered in red liquid.
then one reaches out to check her pulse
firstly attempting to clean away the blood;
but as soon as her arm was remotely clean,
more liquid would pour.
they tried to stop the flow,
but before trying bandages,
the arm would be refreshed;
in the blood that bathed her body.
it was the most sickening cycle they had ever seen.
they frantically tried to converse with each other,
but nothing was audioble above the deafing screams.
they were paranoidly scampering everywhere
like ants trying to escape from a fire,
except they were running straight to the cause of it;
but they didnt realise the fire had died long before they tried to put out the flames,
that had burnt so many bridges.
her anthem was sung for decades,
yet noone quite understood completely
but still they chanted;
"here comes the rain again
falling from the scars
drenched in our pain again
becoming who we are."
Author notes
well the last verse is largely inspired by
"greenday-when september ends"
A contest entry
- Suicide Solution by Blood Magick.
540 points, ended July 26, 2008, 79 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Emotions Crying Out {Options} by newnoakua.
550 points, ended June 16, 2008, 92 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The sadness has consumed me and now I see nothing else... by Leanna-bean.
475 points, ended July 1, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Bleeding Hope by sins and sorrow.
475 points, ended July 13, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
please comment and check out my other poems
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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This is great! I love your use of metaphors in this!
My fav. lines were,
"they look at her shirt
saturated in a deep crimson."
deeply touching!
My only problem was that you need to reread the rules and add something to your authors notes.
I'm really buckling down on this.
Please and thank you!
Great write, thanks for entering and good luck! -
This is a really good poem but the rules were no poem over 35 lines. I really enjoyed your piece.
"her anthem was sung for decades,
yet no one quite understood completely
but still they chanted;"
I really liked that...Good luck!
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Well... I'm sorry I just didn't enjoy this piece...
sorry... -
Very emotional. I would have liked a pretense as to why, but really, I don't need one. All the emotion is there, and it is truly a magnificent piece. I also like Greenday, and that's my fav. song by them, so good job. Good luck in the contest...
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I love it...it reminds me of a time in my life when no one fully undrestood my mind fram...keep on writing.your good at what you do
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I love it...it reminds me of a time in my life when no one fully undrestood my mind fram...
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dang, THIS IS SO GOOD IT MADE ME COME ALIVE..
omg.
keep writing.
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Wow, what a vivid scean you have created. I was wondering about that last verse. I loved that song when it first came out, and the last verse sounded slightly familar.
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