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Society Masquerade

Introductions have all been made.
Ceremonial bows complete.
Caricature smiles now fade,
people stand in groups quietly.
Expression blank;  eyes probe discreet.
Swishing sigh as gowns are displayed.
Silken fashion shapes all compete.
Whirling, twirling feet dance easily.

High society restrictions
forged by those now long extinct.
Masquerade behind false reasons
why they all act unerringly.
Customs, proper decorum inked
in the name of past sovereigns.
Boorish, falsehoods are all now linked,
with noses turned up haughtily.

Hot fire's snap, crackle, pop.
Sipping tea, wrapped up cosily.
Outside it is snowing nonstop.
Sitting, reading so peacefully.
Warmed air paints each cheek rosily.

Every day rules -  live till you drop.

Love, work, always laugh merrily.

High class only dreams whistfully.

 

 

Author notes

POW

You may NOT use the Filler Words, of, and, the, that, to.

I based this on society and their "rules".
Of course I am not sure I want to be associated with the "high society" of today. I think I like being from the other side of the tracks, so to speak.

Poem form fashioned after a poem in J.R.R. Tolkien's "Lord of the Ring trilogy".

Lines 1,3,&6 - 8 syl. with same end rhyme words.
Lines 2,5,&7 - 8 syl. with same end rhyme words.
Lines 4&8 - 8 syl. with end rhyme words of 3 syl. each.

Each stanza has eight lines.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • aboomer silver member
    May 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Nice job!!! congrats!


  • Arkbear gold member
    May 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Hello ~

    *in the name of past*....filler word...*of*

     

    :)

     

    Not sure about L 3 in syllable count ~

     

    Wow.....what a nice job on your Form....Bravo!

     

    I'm a Formed Poet Nutt....love the variations :)

     

    Just remember....choosing the correct Theme is the hardest part about fairing well in the score department of your Judges ~

    Penning it wisely is the second hardest....  :)

    We love good poetry, but to write Grreat Poetry, is the whole Challenge ~

    Poetry is not just writing about how you feel...but how you are going to make others feel as well ~

    :)

    I hope you join us again here in the PO' Contests, but next time, don't be shy about using your imagination and bringing us something toally off the wall.....in poetic form, of course :)

    Good luck and God bless,

    Bear ~

     

     

     

    Title   6.5...Not much to ponder -

    Flow   9.25

    Depth   9.1

    Theme   5.95

    Feelings   8.45

    Grammar   9.05

    Presentation 10...perfect -

    Uncommonness  6.0

    Sit & Ponder Affect  5.85...very pretty write, but no Lasting Impression -

    Ability to follow Rules  9.8....background and one filler word -

    Bears Score: 79.95...nice!

    No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~

    Good luck!


    • joyya
      May 20, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      OOPS! I totally missed "of"! Thank you for your input.


  • jamiedoring
    May 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Welcome to the POW contest.....

    Hi and thanks for sharing an unfamiliar form (to me anyway, thats always awesome) The work you put into this is evident.

    I did get tripped up in the flow, its not the easiest read ever....but you did bring something different. For me thats important.

    Spell-check victim. It happens to the best of us, lol. You took a challenge and played by the rules and brought something that I have never seen before...These are the reasons I VERY much hope you take what is said here and come back with more IMPACT.

    Your talent is obvious, Great effort in this write...best wishes and I hope to see you back again! My final score will come later.

    Jamie


  • aboomer silver member
    May 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hi - welcome to the PO...

    To get the white background required, go to the lower right hand corner and hit as far over as you can - that did it for me.

    One of the more interesting reads, and a form I haven't seen - that was well done. Your theme and title are unusual - I haven't read any others like this. I didn't understand your punctuation - periods at the end of most lines, stopped me there and made it harder to connect with the following lines - but that could just be the way I read.
    Lovely images! Great descriptions! However, lacked the 'wow' factor for me - still, one of the better entries I've read.

    Best wishes in the contest, and hope to see your lovely talent again in future contests.
    My score will come later.
    **Remember - no editing once a judge has commented


  • islekine gold member
    May 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Aloha and welcome to POW...

    The form is great....the poem is good....you went to all that work and didn't spell check!!!(whistfully)You did follow most of the other rules...I know it is hard to get a white background....sometimes...and filler words are missing....which is a nice surprise. You have a wonderful talent...I would like to see again...with a bit more depth and imagery....and spell checked! lol
    Thanks so very much for entering...Best wishes in the contest...remember...I am only one judge of many...
    Write on!
    *PEACE*
    REMEMBER...No editing once a judge has commented.

    • joyya
      May 18, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I did run spell check, more than once??


      • islekine gold member
        May 18, 2008
        Edit | Reply

        Don't worry...it won't take that much off...

        whist-fully
        or wistfully
        It stood out...because it was the last word!
        As I said...not that big of a deal!


        • joyya
          May 18, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          Awww, darn it. I missed it as well as spell check. Not sure how that happened. "Shrugs"


  • cutiepie gold member
    May 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "High Society" I remember was a movie that was much enjoyed during my youth Most enjoyable poem. Good luck in the contest

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