Compunctious soul
bawls forgiveness!
A sensation
captures distress;
losing control
just to lose it all.
Author notes
Photo credit by Photobucket.
Actually I did both prompts.
I know Elton John's music for a long time. The song is how you can love something but lose it because you can't say sorry. Regret!
When I looked at the faces I felt the same thing. The regret and sorrow the pain you feel when you lose something you love; whether its love or the little pink bunny you sleep with each night, the loss felt can be same.
The poem has alternating meter, along with suttle internal rhyme. Note: the enjambments used was on purpose:
A sensation captures distress [enjambment - This break here was intended to give the entire sentence two different thoughts yet, as an entire sentence a completely different impact.]
losing control just to lose it all.
Each line is 2 words with 4 beats except the last line has 5 words 5 beats.
My own creation of playing with meters and how I can make it work.
Thanks for the contest! I hope you like! I reached all the way in for this one and took it for serious thought before penning.
A contest entry
- - Speak from Spirit in 15 Words - by Desire.
700 points, ended May 21, 2008, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please give me some honest feedback~ Critique's welcomed
Comments
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how to be effective using an appropriate selection of images - i really liked the economy here but you still manage to successfully convey images and emotions. A nice write - thanks for sharing.
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I like the way you've written this. The subject matter however tears me...these young children pictured would hardly know what they had done so wrong and then some understand more than others....there is never an excuse not to stop...it should never begin in the first place...
You highlight the issues well!
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Thank You!!
Thank You for Your entry: To Lose It All
This piece tugged hard at Spirit and while I was reading which I did several times and kept hearing word: 'Mommy Dearest' and seeing what looks like Faye Dunaway
it is like this feeling of a hanger-metal hanger pressed against my skin with reference to discipline~ sadly
This event I am getting sparked by spilt food- looks like soup of some sort in a bowl-
Then faintly seeing reference to grades-
Hearing Not Good Enough- father figure type of energy~
like a Not Acceptable..B ...looks like B grade...strive for A; Ivy League only take ...reference to education...after I read again brought forth along with reference to: contractor
Hopefully that makes sense
Powerful images You have brought forth
These words grabbed and pulled~
losing control
just to lose it all.
Magnificent Voice spoken~
Thank You for sharing Your Heart also Spirit!
Best wishes to You in the contest Sweet Soul
**Judging will be done shortly...
Many blessings too
and much love~ Desire~*~~*~
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Beautiful!, short and to the point, yet it captures the picture well. I like the style
Sassy,
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