I see you in the sky,
you see me on the ground.
It was a public place,
and only proper to keep yourself together.
Though, if I could do it again,
I wouldn't be watching you in the sky.
I would have held you, kept you, loved you,
and you'd still be here.
It may have been a public place,
but because I had to keep myself together,
you're away,
and so am I.
A contest entry
- Carpe Diem vs. Guard Your Heart by Arovell.
450 points, ended June 13, 2008, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - personal favorite by Virgoan.
2000 points, ended June 9, 2008, 64 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
can anybody relate?
Comments
-
short yet well faceted.
Keep sharing your gift.
HENSLEY
-
And the first vote goes to carpe diem! and you've depthened the controversy with the theme of regret. i see the structure in it, the way it kind of flips from "only proper to keep yourself together" to "I had to keep myself together." Parallels like this make poems more romantic, but i feel like you could have reinforce the parallelism a little more, poetically. that would help the flow too. Thanks for entering!
~Arovell
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