In the cupboard
granular ghosts hide
waiting to be splendored
by the anxious tongue;
they shower like snowfall
silently pouring to cups,
each dotted bandit eagerly
plotting poltergeist rage.
tell no one, for before
its secret explains the smile
friends who hardly visit
or gathers the children,
the sandy white disappears
melting into liquid nowhere
so guilt haunts without a clue.
Author notes
Can a speck of sweet compare to a tiny lie?
A contest entry
- Inanimate Objects... by surface--tension.
600 points, ended May 21, 2008, 28 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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You have written very well here. I can see why this has won a trophy. Your imagery is very good indeed. I like this. I also like your background. Keep writing.
With
Dark
Love
Wayne Leon
x
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Yes, I do believe a speck of sweet can compare to a tiny lie? Both provide "sugar coating" and make reality more palatable. Both can seem harmless at first but come back to wreck havoc. Twin sins? Thank you for the very thought-provoking poem.
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The little 'bandits' were a fantastic visual take, as well as personification - personally, I see sugar as a mass, not as an army of little grains. It was a really refreshing angle.
Having read the comments, it becomes clearer what a great metaphor this is- so many different 'guilts' (health, what's said over food, the sugar industry, trying to keep fit etc') are present that it seems to have a very personal resonance with each and every reader.
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Wow. My concrete side is showing. I saw splenda, spilled (long live real sugar!) Which I surmised you suspect is a cancer causing agent. Then the light came on... Maybe its real sugar she's talking about! A moment on the lips, forever on the hips- thats a ghostly outcome...
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I'm glad your concrete side was showing as you were the only one who knew that portion. But as it goes with revelational writes, the Lord surprises me with the layer of another kind of sweetness... the actual pleasant awfulness of deceit.
foreshadowing:
some friends only come around when there's cake
children love it
spreads a smile on the face...
yep. Gotta be that.
Congrats on the original idea for the contest, and allowing me to embellish my poetic devices.
Thank you!
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I cried. I wish so much that she could understand what you have written here. One of my sales staff was just fired for 'little white lies'. Things that didn't matter anyway, but she could not talk truth. She would rather make up silliness to be in the spotlight, than just accept herself for what she was. I would call her into private meetings and tell her that sooner or later the little lies would spell her fate. I told her that these meetings are not about company policy, it's just me, as a friend warning you. The avalanche built and finally it collapsed. She called me in tears a few days ago saying she would do anything to just have her job back. "Melting into liquid nowhere so guilt haunts without a clue." RC
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you certainly picked up on the peas n' cues of this abstract/inanimate device that personifies in wits beyond our 'catching it'.
I bet that was so awful... trying so hard to rebuke, but edify her and it was refused.
Thank you! You've magnified its importance.
"Sugar is equally as splendid!
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Great metaphoric phantoms! You've created a living entity in naming "little white lies".And they turn dark as pitch the moment they escape from the mind.Spilling from the mouth,they gain momentum in clouding truths.
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