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The Effervescence of Jealousy

Missing image

It lingered around every word, every action
Its vivacity ever so indifferent to the obstruction
Hopes and Dreams slowly slipped away into the profanity
Where was my mind... but lost in a world of insanity

It lurked around every opportunity, every occasion
Its' tenacity ever so oblivious to the destruction
Love and Affection slowly languished into an illusion
Where was my heart... but bleeding with confusion

It protruded its self into every effort, every intention
Its' incongruity ever so uncaring to the desperation
Peace and Happiness slowly dimmed into the obscure
Where was my soul... but abandoned into nights of blur

It borrowed its self into every motivation, every inspiration
Its' depravity ever so discerning to the devastation
Touch and Warmth slowly faded into our past
Where did my body go... but worn into a state of numbness...

 

at last

Author notes

Possessive Insane Jealousy... Most frustrating condition to deal with...

Special thanks to IronMaiden1236 who kindly helped me with the finishing touch. Thanks Holly!

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Comments

1 - 28 of 28

  • Grunts Girl
    August 23

    Edit | Reply
    i hate it when my cells become unloyal to me and where my body takes care of me in one way but my mind abuses me in the other!
    alien majesty with occasional fits of jealousy
    what a concept lol


  • NewDay
    August 9

    Edit | Reply
    Touch and Warmth slowly faded into our past
    Where did my body go... but worn into a state of numbness...


    thats the reality....i loved the way you wrote this poem...i enjoyed every line..well done!! best of luck!)))


  • Aisades gold member
    July 26
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    Very in depth work. The initial capital letters kind of threw me off, but hte poem is outstanding.


  • IronMaiden1236
    July 25
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    No words.....

    Perfect..nothing else to say!
  • Still Gonna Shine
    July 25

    Edit | Reply
    certainly leaves one with something to think about. this is nice, as the rhyme isn't forced, and it flows well. love the picture too. it looks familiar...if you don't mind, maybe you could tell me where you got it?

    . Rewarded 4

  • EncounteredEpiphany
    July 24

    Edit | Reply

    BRAVO

    This is a great write could feel the pain,this was my favorite Peace and Happiness slowly dimmed into the obscure, Where was my soul...but abandoned into nights of blur!!! Very deep and moving,Lo-Amo Salute!!!!!

  • IronMaiden1236
    July 24
    Edit | Reply

    You Magnificent Beast!!!

    I am lying prostrate in your presence!! Thank you for being open to the transfiguration of creativity!!

  • Ronztrek gold member
    July 24
    Edit | Reply

    IronMaiden1236

    Well my friend, I've rolled the word in my mouth and and gave it a lot of consideration...yes, let's run to the hills with it... Couldn't fit it in the piece, but it inspired some changes, and hence we have a new title. I do believe these changes render this piece venerable to the essence of Jealousy. Aces High and hats off to you my Friend. Thank you!

    Ron

  • IronMaiden1236
    July 24

    Edit | Reply

    Good

    Look up effervescence...it fits the imagery you are trying to convey and removes "ever presence"
    See how the new word feels in your mouth, and it's meaning adds to the subliminal tone of your poem.
    Good write..and alas I have had to live through this emotion, whew..never again!!


  • Angelflower Greeters member
    July 23

    Edit | Reply
    Jealousy is a monster created to destroy beauty... I really loved this.. I can relate to it as well... The emotions in this write seem really heartfelt and in a way sad.. Like an explanation of why's and how comes things were the way that they were.. like you were trying to explain why you did what you did and what you were going through... I don't know.. that may just be me.. Lol.. you did great!! I really enjoyed this..


    Angel

  • Hirestel
    July 21

    Edit | Reply
    I love how the word jealousy is not used once in the text of the poem, only in the title, yet it's impossible not to know what you refer to. Once again, awesome job.


    • Ronztrek gold member
      July 21
      Edit | Reply

      Hirestel

      Thank you for your positive comment. Yes, in this piece I refered to jealousy as a separate living entity that dwells within. Quite the destructive little beast...

  • Manicmuze
    July 20
    Edit | Reply
    Jealousy consumes you... i enjoyed your words, very well done.
    ~ wendy

  • freespirit51 gold member
    July 12

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    Terrific write my freiend. As one who was on the recieving end of such jealousy I know how much it can hurt both in the end. Again a terrific piece. Thanks for sharing.


  • sandybeaches gold member
    July 5
    Edit | Reply
    You describe the feeling of jealousy very well in this write! ***Pam***


  • Piccola gold member
    June 30

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    No. Been there done that. It's unreasonable and as you say, insane. Even the Bible warns against jealousy and for good reason. From now on I will let Rod Stewart sing to whomever he likes and I will stop dashing off angry letters (seriously, I understand and ... sigh ... it's not something one can deal with easily.


  • ears2hearyou gold member
    June 29

    Edit | Reply

    feast of wise writing here!

    I had a contest of wicked jealousy...this would have a
    Gold for sure from me!
    way to write so fearlessly, very inspiring!
    Courage is certainly a natural gift for you!
    ears/Seattle way to write!


  • jcat gold member
    June 29

    Edit | Reply
    Ah yes.........I am all to aware of this emotion. I never was before until I met the man of my .....well not dreams....but something much more than that. We love each other on such a primative level that I think that it scares us both at times. We are very passionate, almost to the extreme. I get insanely jealous if a girl I don't know even looks his way. You did an incredible job capturing those feelings in the most eloquent way. Very well done another beautiful piece by you!


  • HiddenByTheDark
    June 28
    Edit | Reply
    full of energy and hurt.. I can relate and it's a war gettin through the good and bad..


  • hillmje
    June 28

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    this spooked me

    i was creeped out by this poem for two reasons. one is that it brings up memories of my own jealousy because i too let the fear of losing someone destroy my relationship with them.

    and second of all, you turn jealousy into a ghostly person separate and apart from yourself in order to understand it and liberate yourself from it. jealousy does these things, not you. and your use of words that suggest transparency and etherealness such as "faded," "dimmed," and "blur" evoke images of a spirit infecting you with it's power to decay and destroy.

    i thought you did a great job using reptition of phrases and a well-designed structure to evoke a kind of sense of a mechanical "going through the motions" that your relationship must have become. i guess my biggest complaint is that the phrase "total state" is not punchy or evocative enough to be used as a phrase that is repeated. something else would work better.

    you were right. this feels more complete and well-crafted than blood on the rocks. that's what revision is for...

  • subliminal girl
    June 26

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    You described this emotion very vividly... unfortunately I can relate in a way... It is hard work but it is to overcome or it will ruin one's relationships in a very unpleasant way that brings but pain for both...

    Very well expressed, great poem


  • grannyeri gold member
    June 25

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    Sentiments expressed very well in these lines; sad state to be in, but think you have shared that state very well in this poem.


  • spideracer gold member
    June 25

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    The mind can play harsh tricks

    A jealous mind, pain in thought, and I've been there. Each stanza is so powerful, a real talent to behold. You've done another fine job with this one. As they say, pen is mightier than sword. Keep up the good write.
  • Bob Fox
    June 25

    Edit | Reply

    Jealousy

    Such a perfe ct description of what happens within the mind when that jealous state captures it. Perhaps a lesson well stated here. A good read for many.

  • celadia
    June 16

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    Ah, you have felt this, I'm sorry to hear that, but at least you know it's not good, the poem is good, I enjoyed the rhyme and passion of it.

  • angelelectra
    June 16

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    amazing

    that was a truly amazing write, very sad and heartfelt. I think you did a wonderful job in describing a sense of insane jealously and the way it slowly invades into an individual's life.
    Nice work overall, i like the choice of words, adds a seriousness and intense atmosphere to the poem as a whole.
    Keep up the good work!

    Sending sparkles your way...
    Neera~


  • Asdzaa Nadleehe silver member
    May 23

    Edit | Reply
    Such a sad write...
    Yet so much beauty in each line...
    A very powerful write...
    Many blessings
    ~A~


    • Piccola gold member
      July 23
      Edit | Reply
      the old green eyed monster. Yes, it can become an obsession to the point of illness. Even the bible warns against it. I especially like this because it says a lot but is not overly long becoming just a rant. In the first line of the last stanza I think the word should be itself and not it's self though. (maybe)
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