"Boy with apple sits
In an open tan suitcase
Waiting for the flash".
~~Haiku by the Unknown
My son is learning his ABC's.
He is also teaching me mine.
I am scared a lot, all the time actually.
I cry for no reason at all, and shake too.
Because, I know what the world is capable of,
and what I have done in my past.
And even what I do now to survive.
I'm sorry, so unrepairably ashamed.
But alive, and brave, and patient.
My son can do # 1, and # 2
in the toilet now, and he lets us
all know that with a loud SHOUT!
I pray he will be proud of himself
his entire life, and be outspoken.
Because, when I was younger I was silent,
and I was severely taken advantage of
for no other reason than being there.
Because I was, he isn't. And the other
day when he chipped his tooth, and
was crying? I said, don't worry, it's
going to fall out with the rest at 6.
He looked at me for a moment?
Then cried even louder.
My son can sleep by himself with no light on.
That tells me he feels safe
Then why don't I? But I know that answer don't I.
I can no longer hate myself, it stops now.
Miracles can happen, just let them.
Here's another little secret.
I collect love, and beauty, to surround myself with
to hide my fear and self-obsessing guilt.
My son can pick his nose and not feel guilty?
I thank god for that without even believing in one.
My son laughs without bias, or being tickled.
Isn't life a strange and funny thing?
In July I hope to be blessed with a daughter.
No matter what, I will be there.
Ready, and willing to do whatever it takes.
Whether I find god in my head now.
In my son's eyes tomorrow.
Or when I'm dead and in outer or inner space.
I will remain true to all of my creations.
That's a promise I can keep.
Author notes
#6
Written December 22nd, 2003
In a list
A contest entry
- Baby Steps by Shawnnessy.
300 points, ended June 9, 2006, 17 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 95 of 95
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Ahhh... Your son is older now, but this piece will forever be a part of your memories of him and this part of his life. I truly appreciate this one, Jeremi. I love writing about times when my children were young and all the wonderous moments I hold dear.
A piece obviously inspired by your love and appreciation for your son and life in general. I hope he reads things like this when he's older
And congratulations on the Silver for this deserving, meaningful piece. (I know, kinda late coming but congratulations anyway)
Dee
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truly amazing. I will applaud you for your sensitivity.
I originally got my wife a potty (sadly she was born legless, I think I have explained this so wont go on) but it was a complete waste of £3.99, money down the pan so to say because even though she is a midget her bottom is quite ample so when she had finished with her #2 I would lift her off to clean her up (sadly she only has one arm and this is stunted and has limited capabilities) and she would have smeared every where due to her bottom bits not being completely over the potty.
Now I just hang her over the kitchen sink when she wants to goo poop. (You may wonder why not the toilet but there was an unfortunate incident when I was a little tipsy and just after she had released I lost my grip and dropped her into the toilet, sadly her bowel movement had managed to get lodged in her mouth as she screamed and landed with a splash head first in the bowl.) As a result it is the kitchen sink I hold her above now but she gets quite upset when I suggest the toilet. It is only really a problem if I haven't washed up.
I liked this poem a lot, and I enjoyed the bit about the teeth, you are a true poet my friend who can turn his pen to anything. -
that is fantastic. great imagery
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Wow, this really hit on every good emotion there is. Real, in all flavors of life. candidness, proudness, fears, love, care, worry..all rolled into one. I can tell your kids mean the world to you..your summation lines
"I will remain true to all of my creations.
That's a promise I can keep."
--speaks volumes even at a whisper.
Wonderfully penned! Sandi -
This is a really beautiful write and it put a smile on my face. The innocence of a child is truly beautiful. I can feel the love in this piece, and I wish you and your son many more happy years. Great job.
♥
~Lana
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*rose*
this made me smile. it's amazing. i never really smile at poems but this one... it left me grinning. -
wow horus you leave me with so many feelings, some i laughed, some i got teary-eyed. i really wish i could have kids now but i need to create a stable foundation for them first so our lives dont crumble under our feet. you are such a sweet guy and you are lucky to have what you have and those who have you are lucky for having you.
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critical
very nice....... so sweet, and so honest. I love how this poem makes you seem like a real person, with fears and emotions. It was so open, and I felt I could relate to what you were writing about. I have a son myself, and he is like no other. -
wow.. there IS a dude in there with real peoples feelings too..
adorable poem.. really touching and I love the way you perfectly describe that childhood inocence-
My son laughs without bias, or being tickled
My son can pick his nose and not feel guilty
love it.
xxx
Scarlet -
bravo on this beautiful poem! It was seriously great. It is wonderful how much a child can live unafraied of the world. It is when the child gets older, when teh child must some day face the reality that evry parent wishes that the child could remaine young and innocent forever. Thanks for entering my contest.
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nicely done
"And the other
day when he chipped his tooth, and
was crying? I said, don't worry, it's
going to fall out with the rest at 6.
He looked at me for a moment?
Then cried even louder."
was my favourite part.
I adored this poem. It was definitely thought-provoking! The trust of a child and the worry of a man,... the love of a father and son.
I am glad a friend of mine directed me to your poetry. This was a pleasure to read.
Nicely done.
gypsybelle. -
Wow, you sound like a great dad. I'm glad you find so much fulfilment in your son! Congratulations on finding one of the biggest blessings in life.
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words find those reaches that find a place in a heart...
where memories cling into the soul
almost like sand falling in an hourglass
one moment at a time.
Keep penning on one stroke at a time!
Bill -
moving
so well,yes,there is a softer horus8.,after all.
i loved how you put down your guards in this one and laid out your hopes,fears,love,wishes quite generously on thi one.a poem for a son.beautiful.made me smile a lot and a tear may have actually fallen somewhere. -
spoken like a parent and only a parent can understand all the shades in this poem.
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Your final stanza is immaculate. Very well done.
Mary -
yeah... this bleeds... in the best possible way...
much respect
~~whims/Lisa -
Truly Beautiful
Awww. This is so sweet. I am not a parent...yet. But I want to be one day. This is such a sweet tribute to your son. I am sure that he loves it just as much as we all loved reading this. This is definately a different side of you. Its nice. This is very emotional. I wish you best of luck in parenting. I am sure you make a wonderful dad. Good Job.
♥Christina -
Oh my goodness. My son is five and lost a tooth while wrestling with his little cousin, he went absolutely crazy. The tooth was already loose, I had warned him that it would come out, but no one expected it to fly across the room during play. LOL I had to take the time to explain that the baby teeth come out, and are replaced by new shinny big people's teeth... he cried louder. He said, "big people teeth will be too big for my little mouth". I could have kicked myself. LOL But at the time he was frantic and so was I. I have sinced learned if I am calm, he will be too.
Oh my! This is so real, and loving. I felt the sincerity of fatherhood in this poem. Your son is adoreable.
~Shell~
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very powerful poem. The fear and pride, all the emotion is very strongly portrayed with seemingly simple and innocent events. Well written.
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this is a beautiful poem...very tender and honest and full of love...you did a wonderful job on this...best of luck in the contest...God Bless
tyler -
I spent more than half an hour on your page, pictures, poems, and ..., and I think I got to write something, but I can't. Too much for me to dig out, too hard to relate lyrics to poetry, too much for me to digest. Wish I would come back if not...
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this is a really awesome poem good luck in my contest love those kids with all your heart its not bad to be scared for them just shows how much u care..keep it up
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Go ahead.
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This was beautiful! I hope my daughter is that cute, only not in the masculine sort of way, you know? Its funny how those simple times with children can be so meaningful, and how their innocence can be very startling to us who have lived in a pretty fucked up world from the time we can remember. Great peice.
Kat -
As a parent I can relate to every line of this poem, and also for other "personal" reasons "Because, when I was younger I was silent, and I was severely taken advantage of
for no other reason than being there. Because I was, he isn't"
Those are my feelings exactly! And you made me laugh so hard with the image of the chipped tooth conversation. You paint such a vivid picture of observing the fragility and humorous innocence that is our children. There are so many instances in your poem where I smiled, giggled and nearly cried, that I have to say it is among my most favorite poems now. I have been unable to capture these feelings in words simple enough to convey this multitude of feelings that are to lovingly, painfully & happily witness the development of a human being. It is such a bittersweet feeling that you have captured so perfectly here: If only they could only know the world as we would make it for them... I often have terrifying visions of what the world could do to harm my children... There are so many concerns to be weary of... I think I have even been able to rank them... but then I realize there are so many more that I don't even think of... but still I have my handful of 'worsts'. As a parent the best thing we can do is provide them with love, and pray they never personally know these unimaginible horrors. That he will always "sleep by himself with no light on." at least until he is old enough to have a love
I love how you have gently balance this peice, just as life is a gentle balance, between happiness and otherwise. This is simply one of the most beautiful poems I have ever read.
This may sound extreme, but as a mom, there are few words I have found to express these feelings without being a Hallmark card sentimentalist. BTW: Am I supposed to feel guilty when I pick my nose?
I don't if no one know I id it. 
PS. I was wondering if I could post your poem page in my online diary for others to read? I think the other parents and soon to be parents would appreciate it. ~Ag~
Edited on Jan 11, 3:17 because ''. -
As a mother of a three year old I found this adorable... it also made me think.
Beautiful poem
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'day when he chipped his tooth, and
was crying? I said, don't worry, it's
going to fall out with the rest at 6.
He looked at me for a moment?
Then cried even louder.'
Lol, that is so cute. So is 'My son can pick his nose and not feel guilty?' Your son sounds like something to be proud of.. I hope I grow to have a child that does things like this, so that I can smile upon them and realize what a treasure each moment is and remember that I certainly do have a reason for existence. I loved the ending, it made me cry, but I don't have the slightest idea why. Beautiful poem.
I'm not really in the mood to be very critical with this poem, but in the honor of always giving an honest critique, I will. I just realized something. The words 'a lot' sound horrible in a poem. I need to look through mine and make sure I've never used them. As I read it in this poem, I found myself wanting it to be 'often' instead. But I'm nit-picking, so I'll stop, hehe.
-Kayla- -
What, the title?
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As cliche as it sounds... What a wonderful penned up work of art you have here...
Gabriel
Edited on Jan 02, 8:32 p.m. because ''. -
Beautiful writing...You most certainly give the reader a lot to think about and much to be thankful for...Reflection and thankfulness all in one...Children bring out the best in us so easily...Thank you for a beautiful write.
Victoria Lin -
I like the senryu.... it took a second...lol... and the "flash".....
Don -
A beauty of a poem! Sadly you won't be able to shield him from all the hurts he'll suffer as he grows but you can be there to comfort and help him through . Gee, are you supposed to feel guilty while picking your nose? I guess I still have no clue on proper nose picking etiquette. Thanks for this...enjoyed Bravo!
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Excellent
Often the hardest thing it do in life is to become vulnerable....we manage to stay detached as children, when we have a good upbringing or not....As single adults we also remain aloof....dead sure of ourselves. On the arrival of our children we suddenly change....this strong cool person turns into this caring and devoted parent, not frightened of bearing his soul and parting with his heart. I like this side it becomes you
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BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN POEM ABOUT YOUR SON! I HAVE THREE SONS AND A GIRL AND I DEFINETLY KNOW OF YOUR LOVE FOR HIM. THERE'S NOTHING YOU WOULDN'T DO FOR HIM, I KNOW!
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i knew there was a reason that i was constantly drawn to your work.i have always acknowledge you as an excellent author.even when i was sometimes offended,i was always compelled to read your lastest work.that was so i would not miss your greatest work.not this write but what this write is about.your humanity and the love you have for the humanity you have been a part of creating.it allows you to exorcise a lot of demons and be a real positive person for your offspring.not matter what i will always be a fan of yours although i wasn't sure why.it's because as much as a hardass your writing may portray you are as,you are a pussycat.kids do that to you.
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It always makes me so happy to read your work I have read other pieces by you though i can't remember their names and every single time i was abolutly blown away you have an amazing skill and tremendous talent! another exellant job babe keep up the amazing work!
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WoW! Those are the only words that can express this poem. There is no comparison to what you have been through in your life and mine. Great Empathy&Sympathy for you, girl. It sounds as if you are strong though, although you may not have been when you were young. Times have changed and so have you. So keep your head up and look to the skys. The sun can only remind you of your son's bright eyes and a smile will come upon your face. Good luck to you in life.
Warm Regards,
AChance2CryOut -
Wow. If I knew how to make some of those little smiley faces with smiles and such, I'd so make one. Good work.
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OHH MY!!!
now I'm crying.. sobbing actually!! for this is from the deep parts of your heart and soul.. such is the music from this.. I can almost hear Micah calling you.. a pure joy to read..
~GILL~xxxxxxxx -
Lovely heart there, Horus. I am glad you are devoted to your little ones. You are closer to God than you know. He loves you, if you see Him.
There are a great many men who claimed to know God (my exhusband and father of my four children is one of them) that do not take care of their children.
I am glad for you.
KT
Oh and great write. -
So very sweet. This was beautiful - the perfect poem of a mother. Great job.
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Fuck the blah blah blah Caducus of old heres the deal H8 straight talk style.
I welled up.
Why?
Because i probably know a bit about you because your aforce of nature, someone who was born to be noticed but wasn't by the one shining paragon you worshipped who didnt or wouldnt or couldnt - whatever the case this part salted my eyes:
And the other
day when he chipped his tooth, and
was crying? I said, don't worry, it's
going to fall out with the rest at 6.
He looked at me for a moment?
Then cried even louder.
Right there at the end line the answer is [plain to see. Truth over fairytale, allowing kids to be kids with a harsh warm handed nudge in to adulthood (preparing them). We both have a lot to say about fathers horus, both us have read each other and been well read but this is something that fills the hollows of ones emptiness, tears at the already torn but rips right at the jugular.
I have a principal on this site to only read good poets / poetry, thats why i never accrue points because like now I feel compelled to promote poems like this in the features box. Its like putting a handful of silver in the blind mans begging box.
Fucking perfect ..........what books this in? I want a copy.
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Nicley done, i feel the emotion, cut son! i invite you to my group called Cool Mommies, if your son is 5 years or younger, hope to hear from you soon!
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Ahhhh, sweet parenthood, sweet youth. I love this poem, Jeremi....so poignant, a wonderful reminder to cherish it all, rejoice as each move, each action becomes a memory to relive over and over at your leisure. You'll grasp this concept probably even more as the years go by.
A wonderfully refreshing piece
Dee
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This is so beautifully written and shows you have a deep respect for the life of your young son. I have to ask, however, where you feel this fits in the contest. Please IM me (quickly). Thank you for entering, and good luck in the contest. Hugs, Patricia
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This is so touching.. It captures all the worries of a parent and the feeling of children remaining innocent.. What a wonderful combination.. You have done terrific with this write..Very well penned..Thanks for entering..
Much love
Bambie -
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Ah, Horus...I cannot tell you how this touched me. In the past, I have always been thrilled by your more, uh, VOLATILE works, lol, so this was a stunning 180 for me to read...filled with such soft vulerbility and emotional honesty. This literally took my breath away and made me want to shed a sneaky tear or two. Bravo.
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Here's your Haiku
Boy with apple sits
In an open tan suitcase
Waiting for the flash -
The picture introducing this collection would make a very interesting haiku
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one should let their child be a child until it is time not to be.. and should never strip away the innocense of childhood. it happens far to soon anyway. great read..and your son is lucky.
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This was a beautiful write, and if that's your son in the picture he is so adoreable! I know exactly what you feel, I have a five year old little boy too and he is always happy and not afraid of anything. Even with what he has been through as a baby going through heart surgey at two day old he is still just like any other kid out there. Anyways great write. And you have a beautiful little boy! From AsmileIs4Ever2
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"I will remain true to all of my creations...that's a promise I can keep" I liked your poem and the observations you make, how you see your son...with love...and humility, and respect for the precious little person he is...for your protection and nurturing ...of his soul...to safeguard..that he thrive and be strong...to live ..to love ...to be happy
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You know, this is a really inspiring poem here and I enjoyed it very much. Thank you so much for this little look at you. ~Melissa
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Fresh
Beautiful! Very touching. Children really are a gift. And we all want the best for our kids. This explains the emotions of raising a child perfectly. The world IS capable of doing alot to a person, I'm glad you mention that. But You are capable of doing just as much for him as the world is. Thankyou for sharing this wonderful piece. Take care. Much love to you and your son!
Treb -
Children have this way of loving without judging and it brings me to tears sometimes how they can love me for who I am regardless of what I have done in the past. Your son sounds a wonderful little man, and I'm sure he will grow to be a strength not just to you, but to others! I applaud you for your courage and your honesty with yourself and how you feel inside! HUGS! Dari x
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I have commented on this poem before, so I will just say thank you so much for entering my contest. Best of luck to you
take care
~whisper -
absolutely adorable. It had a great message and was just lovely. Beautiful job.
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When I look at these comps I enter because I am inspired by the comp and I also read through the entries sometimes looking how people have taken the topic. I was going to enter this comp but I will not now. Not that I believe I have nothing to say nor without voice to say. I just feel this has said it for me. It speaks to me with everything I believe to be true and honest and said in such a way as to make my heart beat a little quicker. This is a great bit of writing and if there is another piece that comes in better than this I will be staggered. Good luck as this speaks to any devoted parent.
David -
Well, what can I say? This is such a beautifully touching write and it stirs a whirpool of though and pulls the strings on my heart. It is simply a wonderful write, and so very true. Children have the idea of life in everything they do...makes you wonder just WHEN you lost the inner child. Excellent write and best of wishes...~genielassie~
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That was simply beautiful, good luck and thanks for entering
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wondering if you read the contest rules...
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This is an awesome writing, Your love for your son shines through this. Great work!
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Had to read this again! It is so beautiful!! I think you did an amazing job with this piece!!!
love,Criss -
Good write
I think you hit the nail on the head with the depth of motherhood and the vunerablity if brings in to your life. -
i want childhood innocence
Wow, this is so beautiful. I happen to have a 6yr old son that lost two teeth last week, so when I got to those lines this poem took on another meaning to me. You are so talented, great job on this. -
That baby is SOOOOOOOOOOO cute. I love this poem.. it's stuff like this that makes me want to be a mother some day, but also reminds me that it's a full time job, and the best one on earth
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This made me smile, made me weep. Your joy, your pain is evident in this piece, that was written with extreme care. I applaud you for writing this piece. Thank you and good luck.
Carrie -
Oh yeah, beautiful kid there!
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Beautiful...honest. Shows me that even if a person had a bad upbringing, doesnt mean they cant be the best parent for their children.
Thank you for loving your child.
ps love it all but this part really moved me...
I collect love, and beauty, to surround myself with
to hide my fear and self-obsessing guilt.
My son can pick his nose and not feel guilty?
I thank god for that without even believing in one.
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I can often be a softy.
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This is unspeakabely beautiful.
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The world can be a cruel place and the innocence of children taken advantage of~It is a blessing to have children but many parents don't think so~Bravo to you and your little one~Keep on doing what your doing~For he does appreciate YOU~Big hugs and much love~Desire
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You know.. I just had to come back and read this again.. I dont think you had the picture up last time. Is that your son.... he is a real cutie.
Well.. I enjoyed this write just as much a i did the first time.
Ann -
This was wonderful. I truly enjoyed this piece. And that picture was so adorable.
thehappycarrot -
Hi Horus8. I really like your name. I study egypt with my Mom and saw your name. The was a very nice poem. The picture of the little boy was so cute.
Love, Drama Queen -
Thank you for your entry into this contest "No more child abuse”. I appreciate the effort and solid poem you have created. But even more I appreciate tenderness with which you show your heart. I am honored to have your work posted here. Blessings and best wishes ~richard
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And my son turns 12 in April. I pray that he doesn't ask what I was doing at age 12. I fear to be honest.
I just want to tell him keep hugging your Teddy Bear, playing GI Joes and racing hot wheel cars...
Interesting write. I can relate to some degree. It is like having a child is the "only" thing you did right. And ya just gotta wonder when are ya gonna fuck em up? Not even on purpose...
*stomps -
Kids are just... astonishing. Amazing, beatiful, full of wisdom... in a way, I can't even dare to hope for the day I have my own. Don't snort derisively at me if I say, you are lucky.
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Children are miracles.
"And the other
day when he chipped his tooth, and
was crying? I said, don't worry, it's
going to fall out with the rest at 6.
He looked at me for a moment?
Then cried even louder."
That is classic.
Make sure to keep all the small things close to your heart. like the way he smells or the way he looks at you, with love in his eyes, or the way he looks when he is sleeping...
raising children is a serious responsibility, remember when you are afraid, that for most of his life you will be able to protect him, and when it comes to a point when you no longer can, know that you have invested and taught him the ideals you hold close to you and hope, that he will be able to make good choices too.
somethings you just cant protect him from, believe me, sometimes no matter how hard you try or how much you want too... you cant always keep them safe.
The love you have for you son, is amazing. Keep that with you always.
Criss -
beautiful....full of innocence and care...i don't paln no being a parent for a long time,but,i will worry about my child or children as much as you have captured in this piece...and i hope that their life will be so much better then mine,the one thing i don't want for them is for me to end up being like my mother,that is what scares the shit out of me....well,great write..an amazing use of emotions for you child
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horus8~
Hey! Nice write! I thought that it was a good poem. Although I can't relate to this because I am only 15 and I don't have a child. Good luck with your son, and I hope you keep up the good writing. I look forward to reading more of your poems, and commenting on them. I hope you return the favor by reading and commenting on poems as well.
~Babie Gurl~
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I think it's normal to worry about our children these days, and even more so than way back when, for the worlds not getting any better as most of us can see... You really expressed your thoughts well here, and I admire the love for your child, keep being such a wonderful parent...Great write!!!
-Timothy -
You capture innocence perfectly in this. The innocence your son contains is beautiful and the innocence you have lost is depressing, and the comparison between the two of you is done very well!
I hope that you have a daughter also! You sound like a wonderful father. -
This is very sweet and lovely. I am not a mother, but i still find it loving and wonderful, and can't wait till I experiance all the joys that you have. Take care and keep writing, love Louise. xx
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I have to say, of everything that i have read of yours, this one touched me the most. I don't know for sure if this is personal, or fiction ..but it reads very personal, and as a mother, it touched my heart. It's nice to see our kids have the things we didn't ..especially when those things are .. security ..and freedom to just be. Very very touching write here... simple, and raw..and very real. I love it.
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This is very well written and so very vivid. Children bring out so much of a kindness of heart in parents. We are so hopeful that they never have to suffer any ills that we have suffered. I can feel your wanting your child to be safe, secure and happy. That is the sign of a great parent so, don't worry. Raising children is really trial and error, sometimes we make mistakes, as long as they are not intentinal we will do fine. Children are the most forgiving souls on earth, and such a blessing. Very nice entry, good luck with the contest.
Lynnette
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Horus, this is such a wonderful insight to you as a person.. and yes... to the gentler and loving side of you. You usually hide the softer side of you well.. but here you have penned a small glimpse of YOU and your gentler emotions.
I can so understand all the feelings behind your words here. Thankyou for letting us peep a little into your soul and heart.
Ann
Edited on Jan 18, 5:22 because 'typo gremlins invading the keyboard again'. -
Very lovely write. It has a level of eloquence, but not the level I was looking for. It's a little too obvious. All in all a beautiful and lovely write. Very heartfelt.
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I have four grown children, and I have felt every emotion that you placed so appropriately in this poem. Very well written with a wonderful stroke of gentle tenderness. Kids will do that to you.
Maybe a beautiful daughter might soften those rough edges you try to act like you have. Maybe she'll make your perspective just a tinge bit less harsh.
I love the portion of this poem where you explain to your son that the rest of his teeth will fall out by the time he's six, and he cries louder, now that's real!!!
Good luck with the contest, and I know that little one of yours will keep you on your toes. Hope you have the girl you wish for, better to have one of each gender. I have two of each gender. LOL
Renee
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this is a no-nonsense wonderfully touching write. You'd think that since I'm nineteen and I'm not even close to having kids this would be less meaningful to me, but if it is, I certainly can't imagine it. I dream about when I will have a family, and I know I'm already having some of these feelings...
Thanks,
Michael -
horus8-Thanks for the entry. I'm trying to avoid any critiquing at this point. Just letting entrants know I'm actually here and reading their submissions.
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There are some really interesting emotions in this...and it makes me long to see the movie...if that makes sense...to see the picture behind the poem, to know the situation.
I am here though, with lovely threads and images of childhood to weave together...and some hard and scary images too.
This I loved...
"I collect love, and beauty, to surround myself with"
We should all do that.
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