1: Stretched out on full screen
2: wide screen!
1: Advertisements trial like polls
dishing opinions and trashing their competitors
2: in case you just got out of a coma,
1: surfaced from a bomb shelter,
2: or... yup, that's about it
1: let us show you the torn paint behind the billboard sign
1: Static peels our eyes with good looks and false highs
2: (well, what they see as good looks...)
1: images imprinted on the back end of a cigarette burn
2: (and believe me, that HURTS!)
1: with warning signs and words like cancer
that are meant to keep away
but nicotine's cells in society are cancerous
and will keep sliding between lips
2: GENERAL SURGEON WARNING: This may be hazardous to your health
1: inhaling the shroud laid across our eyes
2: as an original thought dies...
1: Joe was a cowboy fan. Watching James dean
2: (or whoever plays in those crappy cowboy movies)
1: flash heroic deeds before he lights up on screen-
between the rail and the track, a subtle noose was wrapped;
the cigarettes like his hero, stacked against the tides.
1: Packaged in marlboro advertisements, were promises of adventure
2: and glory
1: and little joe rose to the challenge just shy of twelve
not knowing that his light would fade
like the flicker of the old movie screen.
1: And from the screen to the streets,
publicities litter eyesight
2: like pollution
1: smogging up life with mixed messages
that try to steer you in every direction
2: because even the compass you bought
from the TV channel was faulty
1: while passersby anagram black billboard words
to show what can be perceived
2: (my favourite was whoever changed "driving school"
for "virgin school")
1: but one glance at a bus stop and you understand
that "you've just proved bench advertising works".
1. Your mind opens like the doors to the Greyhound
2. (A ride to enlightenment.)
1. and you walk cautiously, examining ideas
nestled in seats and resting their heads
on windows - a subtle strategy
to hide what’s inside the very monster
that did not consume you,
but the same monster
that you walked into.
2. Propaganda…
1. It takes you away, like pictures of peasants
starving as the higher class wine and dine
in ritzy restaurants
and attend parties in Moscow.
2. Communism catered by waitress.
1. Equality 7-2521 sings-
2. Are those echoes I hear?
1. No, those are the humans robbed of their identity
forced to be one; lacking individuality.
2. So…what did they sing?
1. He (or they) sing:
1&2: “WE ARE ONE IN ALL AND ALL IN ONE;
THERE ARE NO MEN BUT ONLY THE GREAT
WE ARE ONE, INDIVISIBLE AND FOREVER.”
2. Anthem.
1. We cannot escape the downfall of thoughts
raining like hail, pulverizing skulls
filled with photographic memories
of biased literature and art.
2. Have we lost our ability to be smart?
1. We are having-
2. a brain-fart?
1. a crisis buzzing like bees
and floating in the air like sparks-
2. like ashes rising
1. from smokestacks of factories
producing campaigns to control.
2. -cough-
1. Will the smoke clear? Or settle
into the neon life
of our helter-skelter existence.
In a list
A contest entry
- The Largest Contest On AP!!!! by xxRainbowDawnxx.
3000 points, ended August 26, 2008, 1668 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Collaborative Writers Unite by Justinintendo.
1000 points, ended August 10, 2008, 5 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Very much the epoch of Television rules the nation. Great write, but slightly too long...I won't judge harshly for this, great write,
Enjoyed the read,
Justin
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remember reading this one!
xxx
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This is very well penned. The numbers on the side sorta confused me. I really do not get it at all. Otherwise well done.
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9.8
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9.4
I thought the narrative of #1 and the asides by #2 worked very well together. I could easily visualize the rapidity with which this would be spoken. Your imagery was interesting discussing advertising and mind control in general and cigarettes in the specific.
This was a very effective collaboration since three people were able to write as two. -
9.7
lmao. Marty, you dominated this poem in my mind with 1 & 2 being Christina, but the sarcastic comments in 2 were perfectly done. :]
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8.5
Wow, you really have a lot to say here. Your passion for the issue at hand really came through. I loved your plea for individuality to reign, but it seemed you resolved that it was not to be so. Yet, leaving you piece with a question allows the reader to decide some things for herself. I enjoyed the funky style of this, particularly the interjections of reader 2. So proud that you guys have such an awareness in these lines.
Nicely done.
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this was just excellent from start to finish, it held my attention all the way through, the characterizations were wonderful and it had a real good stream of consciousness. Great work all, I give it a 9.2 Hugs, Bunny
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9
So far, in judging these, its been hard to get a 9. But this piece has an X-factor. Its not something I can put my finger on.
But there were a few things that I can, however put my finger on. I really liked the different kind of characterizations/personalities/types you gave to #1 and #2... if that makes any sense.
The modern voices and tones and sarcasm worked very well also.
There is a wicked message in here too.
I wish I could go more indepth - all I can say is that it was a kick-butt idea. -
oh i didn't realize it was a colab. poem. Well thats what happens when you get 5 hours of sleep at a sleepover i guess. it makes more sense now. once again- genius.
and i am soooooooooooooooooo jealous and i will never stop telling you that -
You guys...win or lose, it's been great working with you. I'm proud of what we've accomplished here. :]
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Great work guys! I love it!!!!!!!
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interesting.... very very interesting... I'll read it when its ALL done. Promise
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