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Words

I can hear there words
their very hate for me
screw up, worthless, low life
oh how it builds inside



They think I can't hear
the whispers they speak
he'll never amount to anything
bum is what he is and will always be



I can hear there words
their very hate for me
screw up, worthless, low life
oh how it builds inside



Slowly pushing me farther and farther
he was never in the military; he a drug dealer
an alcoholic; a nothing that we don't care about

bad influence on my kids is what he is

 

 

Yet to my face you seem so kind

always smiling at me as I walk by

well I know what you said

the anger has built inside

 

Slowly pushed to the edge

with every harsh word

madder and madder i get

until finally I ........

A contest entry

Tell me what you think and be honest

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • XHollowXEyesX
    May 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is awesome. there is so much emotion and hidden messages within this piece. I loved how you left the last line, creates more thought for the reader and mystery, but I dont think it really agrees with the rest of the poem. Everything flowed so well, and cutting it of at the end made it miss a beat. but still was awesome to read.
    All the best
    ~Hollow~


  • alwaysapartofme
    May 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    AHHHH! boy I hate it when you leave things hanging! It was really though I liked it a lot! I hope you win the contest and good luck!


  • ForeverLastingComa
    May 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    the ending was a bit..i don't know..i just think it could have been better if there was something to finish that last line. i usually let out my anger because when it all builds up am eventually going to blow up 10 times worst. overall i liked this poem my favorite lines were,

    "They think I can't hear
    the whispers they speak
    he'll never amount to anything
    bum is what he is and will always be"

    Thank You for entering and Good Luck

    ~*ForeverLastingComa aka Leesha*~


  • ucancallmereal
    May 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    hun you know their words don't matter, you and i know the truth don't we? but seriously, great job expressing your thoughts out though, it didnt get repetitive or old at all.. i mean it was refreshing all the way through if you know what i mean. well done and good luck in the contest :]