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The boy cast a short shadow

The boy cast a short shadow
and scratched at the seat of his jeans
  frowning
sometimes looking up
his left hand cradling
  an invisible treasure

  I ought to go
  I can’t stay here
  they’ll be waiting
  but my pulse is loud in my ear
  and these two pebbles
  warming in my hand
  are kinda comforting

I took a liking to him
he would have been a cute kid
but for the hard thoughts
with which his face was riven
and that t-shirt had seen better days
but there he stood
  uncertain
scuffing his shoes

  I like my own smell
  it’s safe
  and I like the way my clothes
  are soft against my arms and legs
  and if I rock back and forward
  I can feel the cracks in the ground
  through the places where my shoes are thin

I might have called to him
but suddenly
as though he had become aware
that I was watching
he dashed his treasure to the ground
and as it clattered
he spun round and ran

  I can run until evening
  until all I can hear is my breathing
  cutting me like a knife
  and maybe they will forget about me
  I will be the boy who never was
  at least
  until supper time

and his shadow grew shorter still
in the heat of the afternoon
and the flying dust
  from his old shoes


Author notes

Two personae - observer and observed.

A contest entry

: , Your review:

Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? • Line numbers
: no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?) (Line numbers)

Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • Dalaney gold member
    June 10

    Edit | Reply
    I don't know how I missed this masterpiece...my God, Mairi, this is a poem to treasure. This is how I want to write poetry. Silver...? No, your poetry is worth more than silver, more than gold to me. Love, Lane


  • unmasked synergy
    June 7

    Edit | Reply
    I agree with Amera, you characterized the boy from two different viewpoints, and it was indeed a captivating experience
    thank you for entering

  • Amera gold member
    May 18

    Edit | Reply
    Your explanation in the notes wasn't really necessary. Your point is plain and vivid. This is captivating and left me wanting more.

    Love,
    Amera


  • Sagerider gold member
    May 16
    Edit | Reply

    Great

    Well written, lots of human interest here, very visual like I stood and watched with you.


  • Peteskid gold member
    May 16

    Edit | Reply
    i like the freedom to mix end rhyme and line breaks to gain an accessible flow here, so very well done and the depth of this piece is so appealing... a second read as enjoyable as the first...wonderful...'skid

  • Paula Pears
    May 16
    Edit | Reply
    A great read before an exam!!!
    Makes me feel good.


  • cricketjeff gold member
    May 16

    Edit | Reply
    From one great free verser to another, what a journey I have made in the last 2 minutes.
    I shall now go and finish marking my contest to remind myself why I love rhyme and flow!


    • Mairi bheag gold member
      May 16

      Edit | Reply
      Why? Who was the other free-verser if I was one of the two (I do not consider myself to be a great free-verser, by the way). I am having to re-read your comment to make sure you're not having a dig.
1 - 13 of 13