Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Wept Like Rain

I felt the roughness of your hands,
where I didn't want them to be.
You were suppose to be one of my friends,
you weren't suppose to hurt me.
I wish you wouldn't of done what you did,
my tears are wept like rain.
I haven't cried so much since I was a kid,
but I feel so ashamed.


The darkness cut like a knife through my room,
as I set upon my bed.
I thought about how much I had trusted you,
as I pressed the gun against my head.
I shivered against the bitter cold,
as I set against the dimmness of the light.
Will my story ever be told,
I wondered as the flash blurred my sight.


My body lay limp against my bed,
as my father came rushing through the door.
When he saw the gun he knew I was dead,
and in anguish he fell upon the floor.
Oh why would my daughter do something like this,
to so suddenly end her life.
Who could have evoked such a deadly kiss,
as sharp as a devil's knife.


Now I lay burning in the pitts of hell,
if only I could make him see.
He was suppose to be one of my friends,
he wasn't suppose to hurt me.

A contest entry

Do you think I will be a good writer?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 18 of 18

  • Heva Feva
    June 6
    Edit | Reply
    Great job. Good luck and thanks for entering my contest.
    -heva


  • DramaQueen469 gold member
    June 4

    Edit | Reply
    A heartbreakingly beautiful write; thankyou so much for entering, and I wish you the best of luck

    Maria


  • ilovE him
    April 18
    Edit | Reply
    this is amazing! you id uch a great job! i love it!


  • borrowing.moonlight gold member
    April 2

    Edit | Reply
    wow. that was pretty damn powerful. i'm sorry if you really went through this, but thanks for entering


  • The Phoenix Returns
    March 20

    Edit | Reply
    "I wish you wouldn't of done what you did,"

    Don't you think it should have been

    "I wish you wouldn't have done what you did,"

    Sorry, just in a nitpicking mood!


  • xXemo-teddybearXx
    March 7

    Edit | Reply
    wow
    that was so good
    i loved it
    your emotion was so strong
    i loved all the emotion in it
    this was an amazing piece
    thankyou so much for entering this
    you need no good luck from me
    this was amazing
    xXalyXx
    his emo teddybear


  • lilblueeyesmine1978
    January 15

    Edit | Reply
    wow this has so much emotion. thanks for sharing this emotional story with me. I hate to hear about abuse. probaby because of the abuses I too have suffered. Thanks for sharing ths and I wish you lots of luck inthe contest and In life.


  • morgana raven Greeters member
    December 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I really liked this up until the end. I thought the last stanza was fairly anti climatic as the rest of the poem had been written so well, almost like you got bored of writing it... I do really like the beginning half of the poem, i just feel perhaps there was more to add before the last stanza but then again, its your poem not mine.
    Thanks for entering.
    Laura


  • nobodys-girl
    December 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is amazing.really its just wow...i went through something like this when i was very young and im just now starting to deal with it. this is a a great poem. thank you so much for entering my contest and best of luck!

  • starving-to-survive
    December 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow.....fantastic, so sad yet so true. Such great use of words. I love this poem. I understand so well how you feel and when it gets too much and you cant cope with the pain and memories, suicide seems the only option. You have expressed your emotions fantasticly great job. Keep it up....Thank you for entering my contest


  • Redsoldier245
    December 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    It would really make my reading experiance better if you spaced this out.
    Also you have a few spelling and grammar errors like: "done what you did" and i instead of I. These corrections will really make this poem super!


  • PassionsPromise gold member
    June 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is very powerful
    Thanks so much for the entry

    Passions


  • Bohemianwriter
    June 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    omggg wooow......................

    my fav part was


    Oh why would my daughter do something like this,
    to so suddenly end her life.
    Who could have evoked such a deadly kiss,
    as sharp as a devil's knife.

    absolutely terrificly excecuted!


  • QuietPort
    May 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This piece is very powerful. Very descriptive and sad.
    Thank goodness not personal and just creativity
    Thanks for sharing and write on!


  • LionessK
    May 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    welcome to allpoetry

    You have a lot of good imagery lines written out here. So much sadness seeps through each word. I hope this is a creative expression and not based on reality.
    Please continue writing and sharing your words with us all.


    ~Kristy


    • Sharitti
      May 16, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I wanted to thank you for your comment. I am new at writing and appreciate anything that will make my writing better. And it was creative writing.

      • LionessK
        May 16, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        you're welcome. my only suggestion/advice is let the words flow from your heart. the rest will come in time. you did do very well this this one.
        glad to know it was creative and not personal.


  • Sharitti
    May 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Yes

1 - 18 of 18