There are 10'000 people in a town,
6'000 of them would be adults,
1'000 young children,
and 3'000 of them teenagers.
There are 20 schools,
5 of them would be daycares,
7 would be primary schools,
and 8 high schools.
In one high school,
There would be 1'500 students,
40 teachers,
and 5 factions.
And among these 10'000 people,
6'000 adults,
1'000 children,
3'000 teenagers,
20 schools,
1'500 students,
and 40 teahcers,
Is one lonely, sad little girl,
Who nobody notices,
And nobody understands.
Author notes
I really like this....HAHAHA shools....
A contest entry
- Your best work (Quickie). by jocelynclaire.
300 points, ended June 9, 2008, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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I love the sense of mechanics, of a system plodding along, with nothing but logic and numbers in the first 4 stanzas.
The last stanza, showing that these are not numbers, but people, it very well done. I love your ideas and how you used numbers within this poem.
I love it!
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Wow, I really like this too, it is creative, the whole numbers aspect.
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I'm poor in math.., and this poem just reminded me of it.
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Intriguing. What an interesting idea for a poem! Despite a few misspellings and grammatical errors, this made one unique piece.
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HMMMMMMM
I think your penning is brilliant. I live in a town of three hundred fifty one people. And I have that same little girl feeling everyday. Actually, I don't think that you need to change a thing. I find it to be just perfect the way it stands!
poetdontknowit
writing it her way -
A good write with numbers placed here, keeping the flow and theme simply fluid in this piece
Let's see, in the 13th line, I think that's an impossible number so you might as well edit it to 10'000 and I don't know about the "1 high school" or "1 lonely girl" since the number 1 looked out of place but that's just my opinion ^^'
Oh and you've got some typos with the schools words there and the teachers part, too.
Hmm, I guess that's all I can help with; all in all, this would be a better write if you edited the typos, get that great ending to a better impact for the reader to dwell on and show, not tell n.n
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omg thank you so much for pointing out my typos. haha shools...yea i kinda suck at typing
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Thanks for entering!
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I liked the introduction with numbers.. This is very creative! (:
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i like this very much...
this poem really draw myself..
did u ever read the lyric of simple plan:im just a kid..
U should read it,,and hear the song..
Sometimes i feel alone, in this world too...
Hey,,but i am here for you...^^
you've got a friend...
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