Once In a While

Once in a while I remember
your beautiful blue eyes
and smile that lit up
the entire world.

We were young then
and full of dreams.
I loved your more
than my own life.

Seeing that toothy grin
your health glowing
I never thought
that death would come knocking,

  but it did.

with all its cruel
and horrid bag of tortures

It spent every one upon you.

You know I had hope
that you would live
all the way until the end.

Spent my late nights by your side
striking bargains with God.

When you died
my soul became black
like the night

I drank hard
to numb my pain.

I became unreachable
untouchable

beating my head against a wall
running towards my own wanted demise.


I want you to know now
That I've healed a little.

Learned to accept
the frigidness of this wind.

I wrap myself in our memories.

Sometimes my love
I am so warm.